Is it here yet?!?

Hmm. To blog about the New Year now... or wait until next week and find something else to write about for now..
Survey says: NEW YEARS!!

WOW. I cannot believe it. It seems like the impossible, so difficult for me to grasp. 2012. This is the year I've been waiting for my entire life. This is the year I had to look forward to all through my teenage-angst years, when I hated everything. This year, or thinking about this year, is what helped me through so many nights.This is it. This is everything I've ever wanted. This new year;  2012. And it is FINALLY (almost) here!! I don't know how to express my excitement. 2012 used to seem like forever away, like I would never get there, but now its less than a week away. OMBUDDHA I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO PARTY! This is my year, you guys. It can be yours too, I'm not claiming ownership of it, but it is no doubt my year. WEEeeee!

But before I can go on talking about this next year, I have unfinished business with 2011. I can honestly say it was a great year. For the most part, it was much better than years prior to it. I learned a lot this year; about the world, the people who inhabit said world, and about myself. 2011 is the only year in a long time that was filled with pretty much no self hatred. I've been able to accept and love things instead. I feel like, as a person, I've grown a lot this year. I'm more independent. More prepared for life. I guess you could say I know who I am and have actual plan for the future and am mature or something. And on top of that, It feels like, even more than last year, friendships have really set. I have too many fond memories to decide a favorite one, but I did a lot of traveling and exploring and friend making and everything. It was a good year

I fully expect 2012 to trampled 2011 though. I get to finish up high school, become legal in several ways, go to college, and so much more. There is SO much adventure in my future, and new things, and new people, and I can't wait. I like new. I don't know what all I have coming my way, but I couldn't be more enthusiastic to experience it. Along with all of that, I also have some actual new year's resolutions. I believe last year my plan was to break hearts and take virginities... which didn't exactly pan out. But this year I have real resolutions, despite the fact that I don't think you need a new year to make a change... These are more like changes that I am wanting and going for, which just so happen to be around the coming of a new year. ANYWAY.
In 2012 I'm going to:

• Love more
• Drink less
• Be less needy
• Care less about what people think
• Not let my anxiety get the best of me
• Not let my family get the best of me
• Go for the things that I want
• Stand up for what I believe in

Now I still need to find out what I'm doing New Year's Eve...
And that's that. It's my time now.
Have a great new year, guys.
See you in 2012. Eeeeeeeeee!!!

Baby It's Cold Outside

CHRISTMAS IS SO CLOSE AND I'M SO EXCITED!
Like, little kid excited...

But I'm also very, very disappointed. You see, I was pumped because this year I was going to be able to actually buy all my friends and family gifts. I have never been able to spoil them like I want to due to my broke teenager status and it makes me sad. So I was suppose to get a check for a good $900 before we left school for break. And I was going to shop til I dropped for them.... BUT THE DUMB PEOPLE DIDN'T PRINT THE CHECK, and now I won't have money until January because they aren't open for the next two weeks, ugh! I had so many ideas for everybody and it was such a big deal for me... SO that sort of sucks.

Nevertheless, I'm still excited. I love the holidays for so many reasons. I pretty much NEVER get tired of Christmas music, and I've been singing and listening to it since November! I think Christmas sweaters that old people wear are ADORABLE, and I love seeing them all around. I love the qdecorations; the tree, the knick-knacks, the lights! I love driving around and seeing the lights around the neighborhood, people can be pretty creative. I love Christmas movies and specials. I love the cold. I love the food that will come, although my family is going for a Mexican food Christmas dinner which slightly scares me because we a so white. I love being off of school. I love Santa Clause. I love being able to spend so much time with everybody I love. And most of all I love how nice people can be.

I swear the holidays bring out the best in everyone and I don't exactly get why but I love it. Just. SO many good deeds go around and SO much giving. I love the giving. People really show how they care and let others know how they matter. I wish people were this nice ALL THE TIME. Like, why spread only the holiday cheer, why not spread the cheer of life year-round. That would be awesome. But anyway I love Christmas and the entire holiday season. It's pretty much THE time of the year where you can make everybody happy and happiness just flows throw the air. I can't wait for my three to four day Christmas celebration with all the different people in my life. I plan on it being full of nog and smiles and an adult-sized onesie and maybe some snow globes and caroling and I DON'T KNOW, EVERYTHING!! Do people really carol? I know some people from school were going to go, maybe I'll try it.

So I hope you are as excited about this next week as I am. I hope everything goes great and is full of cups of cheer and mistletoe and all things good in life. That's about all I have for you so I'll leave you with a few fun holiday pictures and Make The Yuletide Gay :]

Mistletoe Hats

Toys For Tots

Poster made by Dylan


OH YEAH, AND WOO! IT'S CHRISTMAS BREAK FOREVER!!!!

The Awkward

Life is SOO awkward... am I right, or that just me?I mean "That Awkward Moment When.." rolls through my head and my newsfeed ALL the time. The awkwardness of talking to people you don't know very well, the awkwardness when your mom doesn't believe you aren't dating (insert friend's name) because you spend so much time with them, awkwardness when your mom then feels the need to recite the "rules" to you because of said friend. The awkwardness of being sang to for your birthday. There is this awkwardness of wanting something you can't have and of saying something at the wrong moment. It can all be so weird and sometimes the BEST, but other times the worst. AND SOMETIMES there is just this confusion and you have no idea what to say or do.

Awkward can be funny. I LOVE funny awkward, it's like my day-to-day ritual. This is where you take a perfectly normal and un-weird moment and MAKE it awkward. Like, a song is playing on the radio and you turn to the person next to you and serenade them with inappropriate lyrics. OR saying something totally out of line and throwing an unnecessary shoulder-rub at the end. When you are the one purposely making the awkward  happen, its freaking hilarious! I don't know, there is something about being a creeper that entertains me. Awkward can be NOT SO FUNNY as well, even though usually when you look back it actually is funny, but in the moment, not so much. For me, this includes the examples given above, but when someone else is doing them to me, especially when strangers do... But the absolute worst awkwardness comes when you can't ignore something and don't know how to react. This is so frustrating to me, I just get mad...

I can be super witty sometimes and save myself, but when I'm completely caught off guard and left standing there dumbfounded (a jaw dropped, eye twitching, baffled dumbfounded!!!). I HATE IT! What do you even do when you are just put on the spot out of nowhere. e.g. a lot of people don't have this problem but I do, about talking to my mother about anything personal. It took me forever to be comfortable asking her to buy me tampons, I hate telling her about relationships or crushes or anything sexual... Geez, maybe it really is just
ME, but it's a real problem. I can talk about ANYTHING to other people (friends, teachers, strangers) but I can't to my family. Not because I don't trust them but I don't know how to let them know things. It's so difficult. And I try to avoid situations with all of my power, to a point where I am literally hiding from them, but sometimes they just ask a question or make a comment that makes me  uncomfortable.

If you do know what I'm talking about, if you do have these problems, I'd love to know I'm not alone. And I'm just telling you all this because I feel like it, even though I know what I have to do in such situations. I think I'll share this information with you, in fact. You see, some very nice ladies once said to "own the awkward." Make it yours. Those uncomfortable situations are only as awkward as you make them, and it is very possible for you to turn them into those other more humorous moments. Just do what you have to do, say whatever it is that needs to be said and OWN that shiz.
Mom: Are you dating that friend you go everywhere with because you sure spend a lot of time together and you know the rules where you can't cuddle on the couch and no sex and if you are going to have sex talk to me and use protection and blah blah BLAH! (notice lack of punctuation because she doesn't stop!)
You: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT MOM! We aren't dating and I will tell if we or anybody else are. I know the rules. AND I NEED TAMPONS, THANK YOU!

No biggie right? LIES! It's pretty difficult, but if you act like it isn't, like it's totally normal, you'll be fine. And the moment will pass and your cheeks will return back to normal from being flaming red and it's all good. Own the awkward, whether a funny situation or not. Life IS awkward, and you can't exactly eliminate the turtle from your life, but you can control it.

On a completely separate note, remember me telling you about that super-rad musician? Her fundraiser only has 17 hours to go, and we are SO close to the goal for her to make 2.5 new records! I WANT THIS!
Also I have (have had for a while) a Tumblr, and am now trying to keep up with it and make it cooler, feel free to check it out! (it's full of my obsessions) I think there was something else but I don't remember so have a grand ole day!

We Are Family

I complain a lot. About things that I should NOT complain about. A lot of the time I'm complaining about my family. But let's set the record straight and make it perfectly clear that I LOVE THEM! OKAY?! I don't spend as much as I should with them, I don't always treat them right, and I take advantage of them. But I promise I love and appreciate them. When it comes down to it, we are always there for each other. 

My dad can be a jerk. He gets mad at stupid things and has his little temper tantrums. He complains about things more than I do. He can talk an annoyingly lot about things I don't really care about. BUT he is always willingly to  do anything I need. He is always ready to take care of me. And dammit he can make me laugh my head off. Out of my whole family, he's the one I can be a complete dork with and he will be equally as dorky back and we can just have a good time doing it. He knows stuff like nobody's business and can give you a complete lesson on anything you desire. I love it when he plays his guitar and sings, it's really calming and I enjoy it. I remember him playing songs to me as I grew up, and it just makes me happy. I love him.

My brother can be just as much as a jerk as dear daddy. He is by far the most offensive person I've ever met. He is very judgmental and he can really get under my skin. He knows how to send me off the edge. But we get along anyway. He can be pretty hilarious and in ways we are exactly the same. I like spending time with him and I'd say we're pretty close. It's different hanging out with him because we are the closest in age and are actually like friends at times. He has always been entertaining and fun to be with. Even when he's on my last nerve, that's what brothers are for; I love him.

My sister asks too many questions about things that aren't her business. She thinks it's funny when she makes fun of me. She can be difficult and bratty. I say a lot that I wish she'd stop living off of mom and dad and be an adult already, but it's not true. Honestly I love having her around. She's like a best friend. I miss her when she's gone. She is ridiculous and it makes me laugh. She cares about me and what's up with me. She's the best sister I could ask for and for my entire life, even when we didn't get along, she has been one of my favorite people. I look up to her. I'm proud of her. I love her.

My mom. MY MOTHER. She can be a complete psycho. She annoys me when she's too sensitive or doesn't understand me. I hate it when she tries to make me something I'm not. BUT MY MOTHER IS THE GREATEST PERSON EVER. She's always ready to catch me when I fall. She's always there to rescue my butt. When I've screwed up, she can fix it. When I can't do something, she shows me how. She supports me through everything, even when she doesn't agree. She's accepting. When she doesn't understand me, she tries to learn and change. She would do anything for me and she is the reason behind all of my success. I can be a real bitch to her. But she's always forgiving. She can calm me down when I'm overwhelmed. We've been through everything together, and we always come out closer. I love her.

Not that you were wondering how I feel about my family, but I thought I should exclaim it. Even if this is just something for me to come back and read when they've got me ripping my hair out of my head. I'm so lucky to have the family that I do. I value them more than anything. I tend to disagree with them a lot, and tend to rebel from what they've taught me, but in the end I will always cherish them. I only hope that you, reader, have been given an equally incredible family. I hope that I'm not the only one who is so close to their family and whose family is so loving, because I surely don't deserve them. All of my families are incredible. My family-family, my friends-family, my FFA-family; all the people in my life are incredible. How did I get so damn lucky?

Soft Mohogany Dark Brown

I'd like to start out by saying that I dyed my hair a new color, and even though It is darker than expected, I love it. Second of all, I'd like to apologize in advance for any random words or poor punctuation through this post, I'm using my mother's iPad because all other devices are occupied in my house, and let me tell you this autocorrect is already being a bitch. So, I'm sorry if I don't catch it, like just a second ago when I was typing "already" and it changed it to "a lady"...

On another note I hope everyone is have/has had an incredible Monday. You matter. If that seems random for me to say to you, the student council at my school has been promoting positive Monday's, where you let the people in your life, or even strangers, that THEY MATTER. AND GUESS WHAT READER. YOU MATTER TO ME!!!
AND HAPPY CYBER MONDAY!!

Now let's cut to the chase, I'm here to talk about something that has recently sparked my interest and you're here to make me happy and pretend to care, same old drill. SO THIS WEEK, aside from the relaxing Thanksgiving break I had (which I hope yours was awesome as well) I stumbled upon something new. Well, it's probably old actually, but it's new to me and maybe even new to you. Spoken word poetry. Sure. I had heard of it, but I never really paid much attention to it, never checked it. UNTIL NOW. And you guys, it's pretty intense stuff, like it can really grab a hold of your insides and twist them in both good and bad ways. INTENSE. I was MAYBE cyber stalking this one really cool person and found a video link to a certain Sarah Kay. And she's pretty inspirational, pretty bad ass.

I'm not much of a poet, and I don't actually care for much poetry in books or classes or
anything. For me to be interested in poetry I have to be interested in the person themselves, therefore interested in what they have to say. BUT. This Sarah Kay character made me interest in her BECAUSE of her poetry. It's intriguing to watch her do her thing. And she made this series of Love Letter poems between inanimate objects. IT'S PRETTY COOL. So my interest was sparked and here I am hoping you don't laugh at what I have to share. I don't have anything really to add so I'm going to leave you with a video of Sarah Kay being inspirational, a video of her love letter poem, and then a video of MY ATTEMPT AT MY OWN VERSION!!! If you watch my version (where you can see my new hair!) PLEASE watch hers first so you can sort of get the feel for it... EEeeee!!

Allison Weiss Who?

Sooooooooo. Hi Guys.
I've been thinking of something productive I could write about, and the only thing that is standing out to me is this... If you pay the slightest attention to my tweets or the songs that I sing because they're ALWAYS stuck in my head, then you've probably heard me mention Allison Weiss. Let's face it, since I discovered her music this past July, I've become a bit obsessed. BUT THAT IS OKAY!

Allison Weiss is a wonderful musician and a pretty awesome person. She is super talented and I admire her songs, style, and being. You can feel her emotions dripping from her every word and chord. AW is not like other  artists that you know of, she's much better. She is a REAL person, if you get what I mean by that... What makes her 10x as cool is how personal she is with her fans. You can find her on any social networking site and it feels like you actually KNOW her, like you could be her friend. I MEAN. She talks to her fans and she tells us about the little things going on in her life. Now before I start rambling about how in love I am with her, let's get to the point.

In addition to being totally talented, AW also does it all by herself. As in, she's not with any labels or recording companies. And in hopes to make an awesome, cool, radical, and NEW record, she needs help from her fans. That's right, she's made 'em before, now she wants to DO IT AGAIN!

Step #1: Become A Fan- if this is your first time hearing of her or you've just ignored everything I've said before this point of listening to her, GO and check her out for yourself. It's easy. Youtube. I would recommend a certain song, but I love them all so...

Step #2: HELP!- Once you have realized you are completely in love with her, and you just want her to make MORE and MORE beautiful music and that you CAN'T possibly live with yourself if you don't contribute go HERE to help her out. What this is is a kickstarter project, and you can help AW out, which in the long run will help you and help me :] But you can donate to the amazing cause and THEN get a bunch of Super Rad stuff in return. I want YOU to help Allison Weiss Do IT AGAIN, please?

Anything helps. AND if you just can't donate even a dollar, I still very much encourage you to listen to her music. Listen. Fall in love. #foreverAW

Let It Go

I'm tired of this shit. What is wrong with people, sometimes I just wish they would think. Take a moment and think about what you are doing, what you are saying. There has been so much hate going around, and not even hate with reasonable backup. And everything is pretty much torn into little pieces of crappy crappiness that makes no sense. Just think. Man...For one, this is a general message to everyone because its just so common. And even though its very abundant in my current life, I'm not calling anybody out, instead I'm going to talk to you about thinking, and hope you get what I'm saying.

For those of you who have not yet realized, we are all humans; we all have feelings. We also all have brains, right? So what's the deal? Why are we not using our brains? I'm tired of people saying things without thinking. When you are "speaking your mind" to others, you don't know how it will make any of them feel. And if you speaking your mind is doing more harm then good, if your words are bringing people down while you have a laugh, then your mind needs to stfu. We all say things. And I completely believe in expressing your voice and standing up for your beliefs.. But those voices have purpose, unlike the foolish things spewing out of your mouth. It's like word vomit to the max, and it's not cool. When I'm around someone who starts talking and says something like "I hate (insert any religion, nationality, sex, or identity)," I'm like  DUDE! You don't even realize what you are saying, I could be those things. In fact, lately when this has happened I have been those things. And I'm offended, yes, even when you say "no offense." Just think about what you're saying and who you're saying it too. And even more importantly, think about why you are saying this, what did they do to you? I bet over half of the time people have no reason for their hatred. You might mean what you say, you might not... I don't care, just stop.

On a similar note, I'm tired of people acting without thinking. Now, I'm all for acting on impulse, it keeps life fun and I basically live by it. However, even when I'm feeling impulsive, this thing called a conscience still keeps me from being stupid. You have one of these too, I'm sure. Find it, listen to it. If you are about to do something that could potentially hurt you or someone else, DON'T DO IT! It's dumb, and it makes you a crap person...

Instead of speaking or acting to bring others down, use your powers for good. If your words have the power to hurt someone, and your actions can send someone spiraling out of control, then imagine all the good they could do as well. Put your voice to use and make a difference, you can make the world better. Shed some positive light. OR!!! If you are just a really opinionated person and feel like you should be able to say whatever TF you want, be like "I KNOW I'LL START A BLOG AND PUT MY THOUGHTS OUT THERE WITHOUT FORCING ANYBODY TO READ IT OR OFFENDING ANYBODY!!" It works, it works.

I also think, on the opposite side of the spectrum, that people need to calm down. I MEAN, I can't stress this enough. Don't take life so fucking seriously. Trust me. IT'S NO BIG DEAL. DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT!! When people are being complete A-holes and not considering that you have feelings, just be like "whatever," brush your shoulder off, and have a dance party by yourself in your room. Nothing anybody else tells you should be taken to heart, it matter if you let it matter. If someone is dissing you and you can't shake it, separate yourself from them. You don't need them, and if they need you then they did an awful job expressing it. Also, realize that WE ARE HUMANS, and we make mistakes. Sometimes we say things and don't mean them. Sometimes we don't realize our words are hurtful until after they've been said and the damage it done. We can't hold grudges and we can't let people ruin our lives, just forgive and forget. Float along and be cool. It's not all that difficult.

Like, you guys. If we just stopped taking everything so seriously, and started thinking about our actions, life would be the fucking best. If you care about something, then yeah, use your voice, even if it's not what people want to hear. But don't throw words around without a rhyme or reason, it can hurt. And unless you are devastated and something ACTUALLY happened, don't cry over it, don't be mad, don't be so worried. It all truly comes down to the reason. If you can't come up with a legit reason to do either point A or point B of this post, let it go. Just take a breath, clear your mind, and smile. Don't hate, you guys. Life is GOOD.

Drama+Music

Start warming-up your vocal cords and going over your high school drama, I'm about to talk to you about GLEE.  The phenomenal musical TV series that stole the hearts of thousands of people, including myself, is now on it's third season, and I have some opinions to share. My sister and I have spent the last two days re-watching the second season. And it has evoked some of my emotions about the show.I absolutely love love love GLEE! And any fellow Gleeks will agree that it is a monumental show, exploring new horizons of TV as we know it.

I loved season one, with the classic high school problems and oldies music, I was smitten from the beginning. The characters had me on an emotional roller coaster, I could feel their happiness and excitement as well as their pain and sorrow. The songs were always perfect for the occasion and really reached out to the audience. Season two was just as powerful. With the introduction to new characters and new plot lines, but still holding true to it's entertaining ways, the show continued to hold my heart. It had more diverse songs and scenarios presented all throughout the year and I might have liked it even better than the first. I would be lying if I said GLEE has not made me cry a few times.

Now, we are a few episodes into season three and I'm not sure what to think. On one hand, I'm still uber excited about Tuesday nights that it comes on. The plot has exploded and is still extremely entertaining. I loved the new style Quinn had for a while, and that she's trying to have a relationship with her baby. I love that Idina Menzel is back. I love that Pillsbury and Schuester are finally a couple. I love that Brittany and Santana are sort of together and the Blaine and Kurt are at Mckinley. I'll be honest and admit that I'm even digging this Irish foreign kid. But, on the other hand, the songs so far this season. Uh. The songs. I've liked some of them, sure. But overall and in comparison to the past, I've yet to be moved by them. I'm basically bored with them, they don't capture my soul anymore. Of course, it's still early in the season, and there will be plenty more to come, but I'm sort of disappointed in the selections so far... And I really miss Sam and Lauren being in the show choir, they made me happy...

Nonetheless, I still do love GLEE. I hope it gets better song wise, but other than that it's still good. I love GLEE because, for one, I love musicals. And GLEE is like an weekly hour long musical, which is incredible. And second of all, GLEE presents real life problems to the viewers and displays real life ways to overcome them. I like that I can relate to several characters. GLEE is like a less sappy version of Degrassi, plus music. And even when I don't really know where the plot is going, like what is going to happen after this season when the majority of the characters are suppose to graduate, I get a kick out of watching it. (OMG, I JUST REALIZED THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME, LIKE EVER, THE MAIN CHARACTERS OF A SHOW I LIKE ARE IN MY GRADE/ARE "MY AGE." EEEEEE!!!)

Uhh, yeah!

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

I'm going to be completely upfront with you here; I have nothing incredible or deep or meaningful to say. I'm just due a blog and needing to write to rejuvenate my mind.

I was just washing my hands, you know because sanitation is sexy. And as I was scrubbing away, under my nails and all, I looked at the bottle of soap. Anti-bacterial hand soap. Hmmm. Now, maybe I'm just naive when it comes to the soap industry and their soap production ways, but shouldn't all soap be anti-bacterial? Isn't one of soap's main purposes to rid you of bacteria?

Then, I began to picture Bacterial Soap. It would probably be a gross mucus yellow-green color, and it wouldn't smell all that great. Maybe some nasty gunk would be floating in it...
Directions: lather, rinse, repeat... and then touch your face and be infected with an unknown illness
Uses: To re-moisturize and replenish your skin with germs of all different degrees
Ingredients: Various Diseases, 1000+ people's sneezes, sewer residue, and other unknown, unsanitary material

And as gross as this is when I type it all out, it is what went through my head while I was standing at the sink.
I realize this is not near the amount of words I usually type, and not important what so ever, but maybe it made you laugh... or just chuckle... smile...? Well, I have nothing else to say, I hope your life is good and, unless I get inspiration sooner, have a good week.

Next time I'm soap shopping I think I will ask where the bacterial soap is, just to see what happens.

Pride

Today, October 20th, has been the Gay Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation spirit day. In remembrance of the many teens who were pushed to suicide after being bullied for their sexuality, and to stand up against bullying all together we wear purple. Purple is the color of spirit and it doesn't matter if you're gay or not, it should have been worn to fight against the mistreatment of humans.

Last week, October 11th, was National Coming Out Day; a day of honesty and pride. If you're gay and in the closet, you have the support and are encouraged to come out to your loved ones. On this day you are free to be yourself, and you should let people know who you are. If you already are openly-gay, it is a day to remind those in your life the importance of their support and you being who you are.

This month is LGBT awareness month, everyday an openly gay celebrity has been honored. Their success in the spot light, the celebrities influence and encourage those of the LGBT community to be themselves, never give up, and that they too can be successful, out, and proud. This month is one for pride and support.

All of these things are extremely important to me; I believe in complete and total equality. In fact, these things directly affect me, I'm bi. Team B. Although I'm sort of freshly out, I've known for a while. I've never been bullied, or lost a friend because of my sexuality. I hope that stays the same and that I continue to get the support from loved ones. This week I accidentally outed myself to my parents. And I have been nothing but terrified to speak to them, making every effort to avoid them. But I can't do that forever.. And after several long conversations with a wise friend, I know what to do. I can't just hide from the world, I have to take a stand, I owe it to everybody including myself. Despite my family's views and beliefs that have never supported the homo lifestyle, this is who I am and the have to learn to accept it. I won't apologize for being me. I'm about to go have a talk with my mother, for the first time since she found out. I'm going into this level-headed and prepared on what I'm going to say. And my hopes are that, with time because time is key, she will see things from a new point of view and support me.

So, this is for everybody who has ever been afraid of being themselves. Anybody who has been disapproved of. I want to encourage you to live life YOUR way, and the world just has to get over it. It's a difficult talk to have with your disapproving parent, it a lot of worrying when trying to find the perfect words to say, and it will all take time. Time is meant for mending, just stay strong and be proud. There's nothing wrong with me, and there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with you, my friend. Wish me Luck, and good luck to you!

"Everyone please go forth and love who you love, lust who you lust. Life is too short for anything else" -Allison Weiss

The future isn't that far away

Time is running out, and even though it seems so very far away, it's just around the corner. The deadlines are coming and if we haven't started on college applications yet, it's time to jump on it. Sure it's only October, most apps aren't due until November or December. But that isn't much time at all in reality. We have to fill out the applications, get our transcripts, write the essays (which should probably be reviewed by several people before submitting), get letters of rec, apply for scholarships, get test scores, and everything. As a rule, you need to give a person at least two weeks when asking a favor like writing a letter or revising an essay. And to me it seems like it will take all the time we have left to make everything perfect. This is the one thing I will not allow myself to procrastinate on, well anymore, and my perfectionist self shines through here making sure everything is spotless. (I don't consider taking the time to write this blog a way of procrastinating, its just as important.)

My number one, top choice, only school I actually want to go to, is the University of Texas at Austin. It's just perfect for me. For one, I love Austin; it's just somewhere I find very interesting and I seem to fit in by standing out. You know "keeping Austin weird" is something I'd be good at. So many things go on there, from the music scene to the politics, I'm oober excited about spending college there. Plus Austin is the perfect distance from my home in Houston. It's far enough that I don't have to worry about my family being somewhere and I'm not stuck in a town I'm pretty much over, but it's not too far away to where I can't go home or anything... And then the university itself is equally as perfect; it's a great balance of traditional and fresh ideas and methods. I've been there a few times and love the campus. They are having a new communications building constructed that should be about finished by the time I'm there pursuing that field. For a long time I've had this idea that when I go to college it's all about new things and new people. I still believe that, but I no longer think that means I can't stay connected with my friends. I've recently learned that a few of my close friends also want to be a longhorn. I've gotten excited about having them around so I don't start off completely alone and we can make more memories and have new experiences together. I've always wanted to go to UT and now it seems more likely than ever that it is going to happen.

The law for the class of 2012 in Texas, when it comes to applying for colleges, is that the top 9% is granted admission to most universities, I know UT is one for a fact. So I'm in the clear as for that part, but that doesn't mean I'm a shoe in for getting in to the particular school I want. Therefore there's no excuse for me not to show colleges how incredible I am, and my applications still have to be perfect. Even though UT's app isn't due until December 1st, my goal is to get it sent in by the end of October. And then I'll worry about applying elsewhere... But anyway, I have to get my butt in gear. I've had the application filled out since August, and yesterday I wrote the first of the two required essays. My goal for this week is to get the other one written and them both read by at least two teachers. Tomorrow at school I'm going to the counselor or registrar to get my transcript sent. My SAT test scores have already been sent. And Then it's scholarship applying time because without scholarships my butt isn't going anywhere and isn't having the ideally awesome college experience. That would be no beuno... I'm sure if you are reading this you're wondering why I assume any of you would care about my progress in applying for colleges. I don't think you're very interested in reading this at all. However, I'm sort of hoping people realized what needs to get done and how it's going to take time and effort. Nobody needs to procrastinate here. I just don't want anybody to miss their chance, this is our future.

I'll be the first to admit that since school started I've fallen extremely ill of the very contagious disease we all know as Senioritis. I've been a victim of complete laziness, taking three hour naps on a daily basis. My usual symptoms of my own disease Tayloritis, which I've had constantly since 8th grade, have escalated in apathy and attitude. Homework doesn't get done and weekends have been spent partying. I have felt like I've been doing this "school" thing for 12 years, why should I anymore. I only need three credits to graduate and that takes virtually no effort. I've had a pretty severe case, and it might reoccur later in the year when all the college apps are done, but for now I'm forcing myself to get better. During school itself I have 2-4 hours off, depending on the day. In this time I've let my lazy ways control me, when I need to make myself do something productive, especially something to put forth in the applying process. I know I'm not the only senior who has already been plagued by this, even as premature of a case it is. I'm here to encourage everybody to jump on the college applying bandwagon. Set goals for yourself, mini-deadlines, so you get everything ready and finalized in a timely manner, and then you can be top of the list in going to your ideal school. You will have plenty of time to be a lazy senior next semester, but don't let it take over you quite yet my friends. 

It recently was brought to my attention that some people don't even know where to start in applying for colleges. My advice, do your research on the school and find out their requirements. There you should learn what type of application you need to fill out and your deadline, everything should be pretty explanatory from there. You should set goals for yourself (mine are weekly goals) to complete your applications in steps. Apply to at least three, but five is probably better, schools because you always need a back plan. Even with my heart set on UT, I'm still applying to SHSU and UNT for sure. Always prioritize, when choosing schools you are interested in applying to, don't decide based on what your friends are doing or what your parents want, do whats best for you and your future plans. And I'd like to let anybody know that if they need help, I'm here to do what I can.

Places I don't want to go..

When you shoot a gun, the pressure of the pulled trigger releases the bullet; I think that’s how it works at least. That's what Grandpa Joe from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory told me. When you think about it, people are sort of the same way; their trigger gets pulled and the pressure builds up until you better take cover because they're going off! If that doesn't make sense, then maybe people are actually nothing like guns. But we all have our triggers. Our bullets are sometimes good things, and other times bad things. Our triggers differ from person to person.

I have many triggers, some are deep inside of me, others at the surface. These triggers aren't something you physically pull, but when something happens that sparks a memory or feeling. Sometimes a good memory is triggered, like when I eat PB&J sandwiches I automatically want milk (the only time I ever drink milk because it's gross), and I think of my childhood. When I use to watch Barney and he always washed down sandwiches with milk, and singing about making PB&J's in kindergarten graduation, and writing my first "how to" paper on making them. Just one bite and all this happiness fills my body as I remember simpler times. Again when a certain song plays, like "Cooler Than Me," and I'm flushed with summers of the past having fun with my friends. The happy trigger is always a nice thing to experience. 

But let's be real, the most sensitive (and will get more of a reaction ) type of trigger are the bad ones. When you are pushed into something that triggers a memory you never want to experience again. For example, last night I got sick after my dinner and didn't feel so well. I ended up throwing up, and having that moment of Deja-Vu of times when all meals made me sick, gave me a bad feeling. Like I was weak, and vulnerable, and useless. Those feelings triggered memories of even worse times when I took everything out on myself, leading to the reliving of years and years ago when yelling and screaming was all I heard. The entire night I was curled up in a ball trying to find my strength again, for I had gone a long, long, time without feeling like this. And it was weird, because I knew that feeling, I knew it so very well, but I still couldn't understand it. It is what inspired me to write this, with so many emotions being evoked, but I couldn't control myself to write then.And well, I'm sorry for having to include bits of the past to you... Anyways, triggers vary.

This is the unrelated point of the blog when I get off topic so I can gather my actual points. I just got very upset because my bag of Cheeto Puffs went stale. Oh yeah, everyday during my 4th period when I don't have a true class I go to the library with mi amigo McKenzie. We do work for other classes, talk about whatever there is to talk about, and most importantly, play Sudoku. I quite enjoy this time, she's pretty awesome. I am very much dreading November when we actually have a class that period and have to work.  But later on in life, when I go to a library, it will trigger the memories of chilling with her...

My question is how do you handle these triggers, the bad ones. For me, when a negative memory or feeling is triggered, it feels like I'm falling to rock bottom. And it flat out sucks, especially when it's been so long since the badness has been triggered. It's like losing all the progress you've made as a person. To be stripped of confidence, robbed of any sense of accomplishment, and shot down from any high horse. When it happens, it's like starting back over as a 13 year-old girl, when everything hurt. But I know for a fact I'm not that girl anymore; I'm much more secure, much more strong, much prouder and closer to knowing who I am. Is there an actual way to stop the triggers. No matter how deep I bury them, something always hits them right on the spot. There's always room for me to become stronger as a person, and I guess that's what it will take to solve this. I want to keep whatever it is that triggers smiles and happy memories, but I could very much due without the negative ones. Not that I believe it's better to forget your past (I mean its where lessons were learned and what made you the person you are), but I'd like to remember the lessons learned without reliving the pain endured. I don't know what else to do here, so just let me know if you have any ideas.... 

We're all just a bunch of guns waiting to be fired. 

The Dream, The Drive

This sounds lame, but I've always had this dream. You see, I've heard from so many different people (whom are in their like, late twenties now) that they remember sitting in the theater back in 1994 seeing The Lion King. In 1994 I was barely being born, so I surely wasn't sitting in that theater. Even though I did grow up watching this movie  I've always envied those older kids who saw it in theaters. I'm not sure why, The Lion King isn't even my favorite Disney movie, but I've dreamed of being able to see this movie in the sticky-floored, fake leather seated theater, that is my own Tinseltown, forever. I mean FOREVER. So I'm sure you can imagine how ecstatic I was back in July when I learned The Lion King in 3D was coming to theaters for two weeks. If you can't imagine it, I believe there was squealing and jumping involved. I've waited all this time, and ,FINALLY, I saw it on Saturday afternoon.It was simply amazing.I laughed just as much as the children who surrounded me in the theater did; I got emotional and teary-eyed when Mufasa died; anytime a song came on I was dancing a singing my heart out. It was an incredible experience. I can't even explain how giddy and smiley I was before, during, after, and even now just thinking about it. It really was a dream come true.

So strikes my subject; dreams. I've written about dreams before, but on a more personal note and then for a poetry contest last year in English class. But I don't think I've expressed the importance of dreams. In this case, dreams are what you want most in life (goals and such), not the dreaming you do when you're asleep and really awkward things happen. There are no dancing muffins, zombie hunting, or unicorn discovering in this dreaming... Anyways, it's very important to have dreams/goals in life. Whether it's within your career, family, or anything else, you gotta dream. I feel very strongly about this. However, if you were to ask me what my "life-long-dreams" were, I would not be able to give you an answer. I've no idea... My first response would be that I dream of being in college; it's something I've looked forward to since about the 3rd grade. However, in a year when I AM in college, then what? My dream is fulfilled and I'm set for life? Surely not... Second I would answer "to be a successful journalist." Even before I knew exactly what journalism was about, I knew I wanted to be one. Now I've only reassured myself of this. But I feel as though that is not the right answer to the question either,despite how much I desire this... So next I would say, in all honesty, that I have this ridiculous thought inside of me that I want to be a secret agent (like James Bond), to be a superhero, and to space travel. None of these things are what I truly want, but they are all so appealing to me, like they seem so flipping cool, that it makes me think that I want this. So basically I'm not sure what to say if somebody asked me of my life-long-dream... Recently I've asked some people, mostly a few teachers, what their life-long-dream is (assuming nobody really wants to grow up and teach a bunch of punk kids, or that's just me). Pretty much none of them could answer, except one who actually did WANT to teach... Besides that, this got me wondering if this is really such a thing, a life-long-goal. I mean, people are indecisive and changing their minds a dozen times a day. How could they set a dream to fulfill and keep them content for a life time? I really don't know.

Life-long-dream or not, I still know that dreaming is important. Without a dream, even when it's the kind that sort of puts your head in the clouds and feet off the ground, one doesn't have the drive life needs. You know? Like if somebody didn't have the dream and drive, we wouldn't have cars or most technology or pretty much anything. Without having a dream, America would still be segregated. The world we live in today has been built upon the dreams we had yesterday. Dreaming, of course, isn't much unless you have the initiative and ability to execute it. But without the dream, there's nothing to push towards. If we can't dream of a better tomorrow, will we ever have one? And as I wrote this, although it didn't go in the direction I planned on it going (like most things I write), I changed my mind. Now that I can cross seeing The Lion King off my list, I have a dream. Or I've always had this dream, so I guess it could be considered life-long. At the moment I'm content, but in life I want to be happy. In whatever I do. I want to have that kind of career that I love doing, therefore it isn't work at all. I want to be able to be exactly who I am. I want to be around people who love me and most of all don't judge me. So my point, if you haven't caught the drift, is dream. Don't just dream, but dream big. Dream about a world you want to live in. Whether you dream of inventing something incredible, making a nice family of your own, or seeing one of the most played childhood movies on the big screen, you've got to dream. I want tomorrow to be a better day for the world, so I dream.

But more importantly, if you've read this much (thank you) and are bored out of your mind, I'm telling you to go see The Lion King in 3D. I don't care how old you are or anything. The 3D makes it amazing (and I'm not even into 3D movies). GO SEE IT, it's only out for 2 weeks!!!!

Kindness and Smiling

This past week I've been sick. And well, I've sorta felt like crap. So one day during my off periods I went home to sleep, but had to go back to school for my last period. After my nap I was feeling better, but still had that blah-ness about me. I was walking back into the school and going back to the cafeteria to wait out the few minutes before the bell rang for 7th period. I passed a group of faculty members, I don't know their job titles, but they seem to have the authority to boss students around. Out of this group a man stopped me. Now, this is my 3rd year at this school and I've passed this guy a million times without him acknowledging me at all; I don't even know his name, but I think he is the chess club sponsor or something of the sort. But anyways, he stopped me. I assumed he was going to tell me I have to walk on the right side of the hallway, or that I needed to take off the bandanna I was wearing around my neck.  He didn't.
"Excuse me, ma'am... ma'am." I stop and turn around to make eye contact with him.
"Ma'am are you okay?" I nodded my head.
"It's just 'cause you aren't smiling, and you're too beautiful of a young lady to not be smiling."
Whoa. What? My hair is a mess. I have no makeup on. I'm wear a t-shirt and, like I already said, a BANDANNA. In no way did I look beautiful, or even socially acceptable. But he stopped me for no reason other than to tell me this...

In the next day or so, I was at the gas station. It was the Walmart gas station, so the register was outside in a little window you walk up to and pay, and the line to the window is made out of shelves with snacks and refrigerators with drinks in them. So after I paid the cashier, I turned around to walk back to my friend's car, and two guys were in line were blocking the only way out of this barricaded line. They were talking about something, I wasn't really paying attention just trying to get by them. One of them had a unspiked mohawk with a nose ring, the kind a bull would have, the other had long hair and a beard. They weren't like most people you encounter at gas stations around here, the scary people you are afraid will shoot you, they were friendly and seemed like fun. Anyways, they stopped me to ask me a question, whether or not the mohawked-one could pass as seventeen. He was clearly older and I laughed and told him no. The other one started laughing with me, and it turned into a perfectly nice conversation between the three of us. I said something else to make the longhaired-one laugh and he threw his arm around me and hugged me, that one armed type of hug, but squeezing me nonetheless.

As for the man at my school, I told him I was sick and he told me to feel better and sent me on my way, and my gas stations buddies let me go as well. These people left me with a smile plastered across my face, and a feelings of disbelief and amazement in my heart. My question is WHY? Why would anybody ever stop a complete stranger to tell them they look beautiful. Or why would one ever hug another person they've never met. I didn't think people actually did that, despite other people's stories I've heard about kindness towards others. Personally. I always try to ask people how the are, and tell them to have a good day. But this is better than that. This is a true act of kindness. I was sort of baffled at such things. It was just surprising... But both events made me feel incredible, even when I was sick. It makes me want to pass along the deed and do something to make a total stranger happy. In fact, I'm challenging anybody who may be reading this to do the same. You never know what is going on in somebody's life, and they might just be having a crappy day. By a simple random-act-of-kindness, you could turn everything around for them. Just showing that you care, or having a simple conversation with somebody can make them happy. If you see some who isn't smiling, give them a reason to smile. You could make their day, or maybe their week.

Chocolate & Spirit

 So yesterday when I got home, I really, REALLY wanted chocolate #fatgirlproblems ....

(approximately 10:00 am today)

Right now it's 4th period, where I have nothing to do... My schedule says I have Online AP Environmental Science, but the course doesn't start until November... But that's not the point because about half of my school day is full of nothing. I only have two main classes and then a buttload of electives, and then fillers 6th (Lunch) Period and 8th. I don't drive, and have a 7th period, so it's a very awkward schedule.Even though I should be happy to have such a chill senior year, I'm bored out of my mind on a daily basis... At the moment I'm sitting in my friend's car "napping," except I'm not tired today, and it's rather hot. I'm listening to Joan Jett on 106.9, because I DO love rock and roll. And instead of writing an English paper on Utopia and Dystopia societies (the most overused topic in English class since I've read like 6 books on them since freshman year..) I'm blogging a blog with no aim or ideas..

So.. yeah. I had a chocolate void to fill. And, not mentioning how this happened since I DON'T drive but am alone with the keys to my friend's (whom I hope doesn't read this) car, I now have chocolate. Along with said mysterious-appearing chocolate, I feel incredibly sick. Too much sugar? Like when I was in elementary and we would have the Christmas and Valentine's day parties in our classroom, and anytime I would eat more than one of the cookies I'd get sick. Apparently I never out grew that..? I might have gone over board in the store; oh wait, what store? I didn't leave the parking lot or anything. But if I had gone to say, Walgreens, I might have spent about $8.15 on chocolate. That's 1 Nesquik chocolate milk, one of those little boxes of chocolate Special K cereal bars, and 3 bags of M&M's. Now, I did not and still do not plan to eat all of these things. But what I have eaten, makes me sick. 

(4th period is now over and people are moving to 6th)

The first problem is that I don't LIKE milk...at all, but still drank it. Number 2, I was just gonna buy ONE bag of M&M's, but the cashier told me it was buy 3 bags for $2.00... so I did... And lastly, the healthiness of a Special K bar is canceled out by it's chocolate flavoring.... I now feel like throwing up, so excuse me while I go inside an do so... BRB.

(Present time)

Hello again. To avoid you being disgusted, I did NOT vomit. But have felt sick all day. The rest of my day consisted of chilling in the Stu Co room, picking up Taco Bell for another friend, giving away the rest of the M&M's, French class, and walking home but being picked up by a girl who drove me the remainder of the way. And here I am. This blog is the most "Diary-like" post yet, and I apologize. I just like the sound of my own voice... not literally because none of this is being said out loud. I also would like to thank anyone who is actually reading this, I appreciate your existence. So...

Tonight I guess I'm going to go support my school at the football game. It's a home game, so it should be fun. I hope it's better than last week. Not that it wasn't fun, I always enjoy being with my friends, like I was. But, not trying to bash my school, we sucked! The team wasn't in it, the crowd wasn't in it. We're talking about THE North Shore Football team. You know, the one that had a 80-something winning streak. The one whose name was known to schools all around Texas. You may not know where we're located or the quality of our learning, but if you hear North Shore, you KNOW the football team. Or knew... I've know idea what happened. It's like as soon as players from my graduating class started playing on varsity, we started losing. And  being in North Shore for so long, I did not know how it felt to lose.... and it Sucks.

But I know we still have the power to kick-butt where ever we go... Maybe if the crowd were a bit more spirited, it'd help. Last week, when we played our arch-nemesis the Katy Tigers, their side of the stadium was loud and proud. North Shore Mustangs? Not so much..  Where's the school spirit? Nobody goes to a football game to sit and be quiet, you go to yell and scream! Now personally I know almost nothing about football, but I know how to be LOUD! I've gone to almost every game the last three years to cheer for my 'Stangs. And while I'd be one of the first to jump onto my feet and cheer them on, nobody else around me is standing. So as I glance around at this quiet cluster of people, I can't help but notice that they are a bit on the older side of the generations. And they sit with this angry look on your face and tell you to sit down either verbally or with their negative vibe. Dude!!! it's football, this is Texas, isn't it like law to be into it all the way. That's how I was taught.Where are your foam fingers, cowbells, and blow horns? If you haven't noticed the team really does get "fired-up" when they hear a roaring crowd. Those cheerleaders with their signs saying "noise" shouldn't even be necessary, to make noise should be a given. You see the mascot, the running flags, the players pumping their arms, you make noise dammit! You hear that band play, the swelling boom of the announcer, you're suppose to be so loud you drown them out! And it's not like Scarlet and White are horrid colors, they're pretty awesome actually, so where them proudly.

 I want to win, I want our boys to win! I can't  be their coach and make them play better, especially since they aren't actually a bad team, but I can be a fan and make them feel the love! I actually don't like football itself, but when there's a good crowd the adrenaline makes me feel great, so I know it makes the team feel even better. I don't know all the words to the school song, and I don't bring my pom-poms to the stands. But I cheer, loud and proud. What's the point of going to the game if I don't do that... I also tend to paint my face for them.

Good Luck Tonight.

Go Mustangs!

No' Sho' Fo' Sho'

Strawberry Fields Forever

Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever

Let me tell you something. I'm not the type of person who cares about too many things. Most people and things are like, whatever. But damn, if I care, I CARE! I put my heart into the things I care about, I will do anything for the people I care about. The word "people" is used loosely here because although there are people I care for, I don't care for many of them more than I care for a certain not person. Human or no, she's my baby. She's big, like 2000 lbs big, and red. Her name is Strawberry Fields, and she is my cow. Haha, I'm from Texas and I have a cow, how cliche... well, not really. Most people, even around here, are like "WHAT?! A COW!!!" But anyway, she is my baby.

I got Strawberry at the end of my freshman year through FFA. I remember the day I first met her. My mom and I drove out to an old Ag teacher's, and close friend's, ranch. She was only 6 months old and out in the very green, you know back when we actually had grass here, pasture. On the way home is when I came up with her name. She had this deep red hide that made her stand out from the more orange-red colored cattle, being the huge Beatles fan that I am, it was only natural for me to name her Strawberry Fields. A few weeks later, our friend brought her to our school ag barn. She was bucking and jumping in the trailer and all I could think of was that she was surely going to stomp on me to death. However. I pushed away my fears and walk her for the first time. She drug me back and forth, round and round, until I was cover in dirt and had cut up, bloody hands. She was 500 lbs, as afraid as I was, and when we both finally calmed down, I could only smile. I had no idea what I was in for.

As time went by, Strawberry and I got used to each other, like seeing somebody everyday of your life will do to you. I spoiled her silly, and she knew it. Every night instead of working her until she was exhausted like the others cattle-raisers did, I would tell her about my day and pet and hug her, and then tell her "Goodnight Strawberry Fields, I'll love you forever," as i left. I took her all around Texas for different shows and rodeos. Poor strawberry was the nervous type. I learned this after about two or three shows when she would over-power me and step on my feet. Now being closer to 1500 lbs, that wasn't okay. So to calm her during every show I would sing in her ear. My songs jumped from real songs, like the one she's named after, to ones I would make up off the top of my head. My voice kept her calm. She was a 1st place winner most of the time, everybody who saw Berry would tell me how gorgeous she was. After every show, we both would be so exhausted . She would lay down and sleep, and I would lay against her big belly and nap too. She would reach over and drag her huge, scratchy tongue across my face, arm, hair, or whatever she could reach. Before I knew it, I had had her for a year and it was time to breed her. As a preggo heifer, she was even bigger and even meaner. It was a long and hormonal 9 months for the two of us, as we returned to the new year's shows, but we made it. And last February, I was fortunate to be there when she was calving. I actually helped pull the baby out. With my arms covered with uncomfortably warm goo and guts, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She had a little girl calf, named Abbey Road, and we were a happy little family. The compliments towards Strawberry extended to her calf. By this time Strawberry was well over two years old, which is too old to be a show heifer... plus she was officially a cow since she had a baby. There began the count down, of the last months I could have Berry, as she took care of her baby.

What I'm going to say next is ridiculous, I'm aware, but nobody understands. I've been avoiding this part by giving you all this background because I'm not ready for this. Strawberry would make me mad, completely pissed. She would give me an attitude and whip her head around like a child talking back. She knew she was stronger than me and would take advantage of this, dragging me around. She must have stepped on my feet a hundred times, enough that I have a permanently broken little toe. She was a brat. But she was also always there. I could always talk to her when I had had a bad day. I could tell her anything. When I needed a hug, her big neck was always available for me to throw my arms around. She had a way of being able to sense when I wasn't happy, and she would always find a way to make me smile. Strawberry Fields has been there, every day since I was 14. We had our ups, and our downs. But it didn't take long before she became my everything. I had problems, and some days she was the only light in my life that made me keep going. When you think about it from age 14 to 17, that's a part of your life when you really grow as a person. You learn a lot about yourself as you develop into an adult. Strawberry has been a giant part of my growing process; she's taught me life lessons, responsibility, hard work, and love. She's the best thing I could ever ask for.

All of that is why yesterday was the hardest day in my life. And I'm not sure if you can feel my emotions though my words or not, but I've been trying to hold back my tears this entire time. Yesterday Abbey Road turned 6 months old. She's big and beautiful, and I can't wait for this year to show her. But 6 months is the age when a calf no longer needs their mother's nurture... Like I said Strawberry is too old to show, so due to the district rules she had to leave the school barn.......Here comes the waterworks.... And when I think about it, I uncontrollably shout "NO, please don't go!" But it doesn't change that fact that she's gone. She went back to the ranch she came from, where I still own her... but don't get to see her everyday. I know she'll be taken good care of, and that she will be happier in a pasture than in a stall... but It doesn't take away my heartbreak. Nor does it go away when people who tell me this, over and over again. None of them get it. And here's what they need to get. Its like I've been stripped of everything important to me. It's somebody who had ALWAYS been there, isn't anymore. I can't grasp right now a good enough simile to describe how hard this is on me. I'm crushed. I am a complete wreck. As these keystrokes are drowned in my tears, I'm just trying to think straight to get the point of this post across. If the point is anything but me venting... I sat and hugged Strawberry Fields for hours before she left, trying to be strong and keep the crying to a minimum. She felt my sadness, like she's always done, and started licking my hands. I didn't, and never have, minded her slobber all over me. It's her love. Then that same trailer she arrived in pulled up, and it was time. It happened too quickly. He came, he got her, and she was gone. I got to give her one last hug and mutter out "Goodbye Strawberry Fields, I'll love you Forever." before he hauled her off. And as soon as that trailer rounded the corner and was out of sight, I cried big alligator tears and wailed a high-pitched wail like never before. It was uncontrollable. I sat down with Abbey and cried for hours, she looks just like Berry and would rubbed her head on me to comfort me, just like Berry...

I can't remember ever crying like that, like this, it was like a bad break-up x10. It was a rough night; it was a rough day; it'll be a rough week. But jesus, I know she's going to be happy. I'll be okay. It'll take time, but I'll be able to think of her without bursting into tears. I don't even know if I told you what I was meaning to tell you through this post, but oh well... Strawberry Fields will forever be in my heart, in my memory, and we will be together again. She's going off to live her happy cow life. I can't explain what she means to me, and even though I've known the day was coming for a long time, it doesn't make it easier. I appreciate those who have tried to help, and those who actually read all of this.
I love Strawberry Fields, with everything I have. I miss her already....

<3

The Year Ahead. (maximum excitement level)

Ahh!! Blog, how I've missed you!!! I apologize for neglecting you. I've had a major lack of inspiration... On multiple occassions I've attempted to write things that ended up boring me so much I couldn't even finish them! But I promise to give you more attention, even as the school year begins and I get loaded with homework. I will make time for you. And hopefully the school year will bring interesting things to talk about. Speaking of school, oh my freaking greif, school starts tomorrow.

Its goodbye summer 2011, an incredible vacation filled with self-discovery, unbelievable experiences, priceless memories made with friends, and much much more. Hello school year. Senior Year!!! Its the beginning of the end, and I couldn't be more pumped! I'm so darn pumped that I'm up blogging about it instead of getting sleep that later in the year will be so precious. Yeah right, NOBODY can sleep the night before school starts. From students of all grades to the teachers, everybody is wide awake with their head on their pillow. Our minds run in circles, thinking about everything and everybody. And even us seniors, who have done this since age six, have that nervous feeling in their gut. Heck, I'm typing this in my bed, contacts already taken out, with my phone because I'm so excited but my stomach is filled with butterflies and all that jazz. First days of school are that day when you don't know what to expect. You see people you haven't for 3 months. You are around people you have yet to meet even though you been in the same school for years. First days are sometimes the most nerve wrecking. Right now I'm wondering what classes and teachers I have, what friends will I see, what should I wear?!? But pass the anxiety of it all, new years mean new starts and new opportunities, and to me that is super fun.

I have a lot of expectations for my last year of highschool. This doesn't include becoming homecoming or prom queen, being valdictorian, or getting everything my way. However, I do expect some pretty incredible things. This year will test relationships. I have my circle of friends, and I love them all dearly, but it seems unlikely that we ALL will stay intouch after graduation. It would take true effort. And I'm willing to put forward effort to anybody and everybody who is willing to do the same. So this year I'll be able to see who that is. I also expect to make the most valuable memories of highschool this year. I already have some pretty incredible ones, so it'll be tough, but this year should top them all. I expect to be less stressed about classes this year, but stressed enough by AP classes to keep me going strong. And I could go on and on with my expectations, but won't...

As a freshman, and since then, I've always been involved with students who were older than me. I've never been scared by the seniors. I don't wish to scare underclassmen, but I do plan to run shit. For me, everything has fallen into place to make up a perfect set up for this year. Well, nothing fell into place, I worked my ass off to get where I am. But I've accomplished all my plans. President of FFA, check. Top ten percent of class, check. Amazing friends and relationships, check. So there is no reason I shouldn't, we shouldn't, run the school. This wish of mine is in no way about popularity or any bullcrap. That stuff doesn't matter, because when it all comes down to it, this is only highschool, not life. But what I mean is that things should be easy, things should go our way.

I apologize for how I'm jumping around so much through this post. Like I said, my contacts are out, and I'm just typing all the things on my mind that are keeping me awake. All I really want to say is how excited I am to finally be a senior. I look forward to every moment I get to spend with my friends, to every class I get to love or hate, to every night I sacriface sleep to work. I look forward to a year of emotional rollercoasters of the bittersweetness of preparing to end highschool. Although I say how I can't wait for college, the truth is I've liked highschool. Graduation isn't coming a day too soon or a day to late. When the time comes, I'll go. But until then I plan on making this year the best one ever. I've done this so many times. The first day of school. The whole shabang... I might as well make my last time tower over previous years in levels of awesomeness. I know what I'm going to wear in the morning, but I've no idea what else lies ahead. Let's run this mutha, rock this year, Class of 2012, we're finally here!!!
Goodnight.

Long Live Handwriting

Today I was scrolling down my Twitter timeline, reading the many different news headlines from ABC, NBC,and other sources. Despite the many articles about the London riots, and our economic status, the one story that caught my attention was CNN's "Is handwriting dead?" I'm very bad about judging books by there covers, and when I say books I mean actual books, articles, and other reading material.. not people. So, just by reading the headline, I completely flipped out. "What?! Dead?! NO!!!"

To me, handwriting is my source of power. I have trouble collecting and organizing my thoughts, and I have to physically write down what I'm thinking when I have to explain it to others for school projects and such. The physical act of writing is a good outlet for me and I would hate for that to die. There's just a better feeling when I have a pen in my hand than when I have keystrokes beneath my fingers, I feel in control. Even though these blogs are typed, it's only so others can read it, and many times I write my posts down on paper before hand. I was fully prepared to fight for my right to write once I saw the headline. After reading the story I can understand what CNN means, and my opinion will form as I go on writing, because that's the way I think.

Here's the article http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/08/10/handwriting.horror/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

It starts by saying how teen stars have horrible handwriting and signatures that nobody can read, then saying it is a reflection of the younger generations as a whole and their writing skills. I apologize that Miley Cyrus never learned to write, but I'm a part of that generation and my handwriting is excellent. I have my crappy chicken scratch when I'm writing notes and trying to keep up with the teacher, but then I have decent handwriting as well. However, I strongly believe that handwriting and especially signatures should be individualized. If I want my signature to be "T scribble, A scribble scribble," then that's what it's going to be. Writing should be personalized and reflect your attitude. Although there are many books and lessons to teach people how to write properly, I feel that if we all wrote "perfectly," handwriting would be like the whole world typing in 12 point Times New Roman font; boring. Handwriting is like drawing, it's art. To have somebody's authentic handwriting, like an autograph, is so incredible. I have a script from The Beatles' movie "Help!," that has chicken scratch notes all down the margins that The actual Beatles wrote, if the writers had went back in and typed the changes noted, it wouldn't be so cool.

And then there's cursive. That script that we were all forced to learn and use for the whole year in 3rd grade. I'll be honest, at the time I hated to write in cursive. Print was so much easier. However, after years of the callus on my finger healing, and me learning that I don't have to put so much pressure on the paper, I tend to use cursive quite a bit; I like it. According to this article, many schools are going to stop teaching students how to write in cursive. I don't see how keeping the subject in curriculum hurts anybody, but I see how taking it out can. For years I thought cursive would never apply to anything in life, then when I took my SAT we had to use cursive. There were kids in that room who raised there hand and said "I don't know cursive," and my only thought was how pathetic are they. When I was young, my parents only ever wrote in cursive, and until I learned how to write it myself I could never read what they wrote. Even if you make the choice to not write in script, you surely need to know how the read it. And the article brings this up with the example of reading historic documents. Even if the documents were transferred to print so younger, unintelligent generations could read, it would not be the same as seeing the Declaration of Independence in it's original glory... but maybe that's just the history buff coming out in me..

Even as technology advances, and now students even use their phones to take notes on, I can't see handwriting dying in younger generations, unless the older generations take it away from us. If they make the choice to stop teaching handwriting in 2nd grade, of course future generations won't be able to write legibly. As long as we are taught writing skills, it's our choice on how we use it. Whether we write neat and professional, or sloppy, it should be a reflection of how we feel. Don't define a generation based off of the teen stars who can't write. And forget not being able to write well, somebody needs to teach Miley how to spell...

Not too old

TV seems annoyingly repetitive. Every character, plot, and other aspects are replicated throughout the channels. I'm aware that the "Big 6" contribute to this, being the six companies that own pretty much everything you see on TV. I also know that stories that have entertained audiences in the past are believed to work again if they are alternated to fit different settings. When I watch TV, I become frustrated with how unoriginal most shows are. Their are a few that seem new, but if you go back far enough, it's probably been done before. How long can you run the same thing before you bore an audience to death. It's like hearing the same song on every radio station, every single day; it's like killing a good joke because you say it so often and to so many people. Of course, most the TV I watch still consists of Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. Even with that being said, these channels reuse over and over the same lessons implied through a story line. The same situations are presented in new shows as they were when I was young and watching "Lizzie McGuire."

Now, I can see good in this; as pathetic as this sounds, I learned some good life lessons through the multiple shows I watched growing up. Not to mention, I was endlessly entertained by the many situations brought up. First kisses, insane teachers, and embarrassing families never failed to keep my attention on the television set. If they did not reuse the same material, then kids would not have the chance to "learn" like I did. By presenting the same moral-values from years even before my time, the younger audiences are given equal opportunity. These stories are new to them, just like they were new to me when they were old to past generations. It could take them until my age to realize that every show has a main character, a best friend, somebody hopelessly in love with the main character, an enemy, and an older character to guide them (teacher, parent, whatever). Another positive part of this could be that if children realize that the same stories are conveyed in "iCarly" and "Wizards of Waverly Place" and they become bored, they can go be active with there lives. This discourages them from spending hour after hour with their face in a screen, and makes them want to go and run or do whatever kids do.

Honestly though, I should just face it; it's me. Good grief Taylor, you are seventeen and still watching Nickelodeon and Disney. If I'm at the point where I'm complaining about the children channels, it's time to move on. As long as I still watch these channels, I'd either be complaining about repetitiveness, or if new stories were introduced how "TV isn't what it used to be." I've watched Disney and Nick my entire life, no joke, what else do I expect. I've slowly incorporated other shows into my liking, such as "Criminal Minds" and "Glee," but that's about it. I must admit they both seem rather original, but I haven't watched much else to compare. Even so, I still find myself lost in watching these younger channels, and the same stories still entertain me. I probably won't change my TV interests, even though I'm suppose to grow up, I don't want to, not all the way and not just yet. So, for the ones who laugh at my taste in shows, and the reason behind this sort of random post, I'm still a kid. I'm a kid who loves watching kid shows and doing kid things. That is all...

Kids Things^^

I said "boogers," laugh away.

One thing I will never, ever, understand is a handkerchief. I'm not sure if they are used in real life, or just the movies, but either way, gross... Why would anybody use one, or invent one for that matter. I mean, if you have to sneeze or blow your nose or whatever, fine; but for what reason would one ever wish to do so and then shove the sinus covered cloth back into their pocket. What are you going to do with it, save your boogers? The next time you have to sneeze and you pull out your nose's trusty friend, won't you just end up wiping your old snot on yourself? And then there's the fact that the mucus will probably dry onto the handkerchief and be all hard and stuck together, or even stuck to your pocket.. To make matter's worse, handkerchiefs are also used to wipe away tears. If I were crying my eyes out and needed to dry my cheeks, I wouldn't want to use the same cloth I blew my nose with a few hours ago. I've never tried it, but i feel as though wiping boogers across your eyes would be an unpleasant, and possibly painful, feeling.

Then there are the special handkerchief's that have been hand-crafted and personalized, made out of the finest silk. Why would you spend the significant amount of money I imagine a handkerchief of that standard being, to blow your nose. Obviously your nostril slime is precious and must be cared for in the most elegant manner.. No, it really and truly is not. And, just wondering, how often are handkerchiefs washed? Do you go days carrying around your snot, or do you make it a daily chore to wash that thing? Actually, I feel like hourly would be necessary...

Dare I even start with the offering one's handkerchief to another. There are different levels of this, somebody nearby sneezes and you whip out your "hanky" and hand it over, like your being nice or something. Then there's the whole "Here, as a token of my undying love for you, I offer you my handkerchief," which is even worse when it is "...my great-great grandmother's handkerchief." How is a handkerchief going to go from generation to generation like an hierloom. In either case it's really more like saying "hey, take my old snot-rag that has been used by who knows how many cold-infected people, and contribute to my mucus collection, sweetheart." No thank you. No matter how "undying" our love may be, if you give me your overused tissue, it's off. Like, last year in in class we had to read Shakespeare's play "Othello," and one of the most significant items in the story is a handkerchief that characters are pretty much fighting over. It just doesn't make sense to me, how are they a symbol of love, and why would anybody want one, somebody else's especially....

In my opinion, there is nothing okay with a handkerchief. The concept of it grosses me out and screams "UNSANITARY." The various different uses only add to the EW-factor, all I can think about is smearing snot all over my face. Sharing a handkerchief is only asking for some sort of freakish disease, spreading germs doesn't seem like a good idea. Even the word "handkerchief" is disturbing to me, and very awkward to type multiple times. Handkerchiefs are only ever slightly appropriate if is it strictly an accessory in one's suit. If your a handkerchief user, I'm about to introduce you to two awesome inventions us of the 21st century tend to use. First is the napkin; it is the paper-made, soft, disposable, and socially acceptable handkerchief. Second, the trash can; you don't have to shove that newly found napkin into your pocket, only to make a mess, ever again. Trash cans have been installed in virtually every building, restroom, and park, so when you blow your nose into a napkin , throw it away, don't save it. I'm just as surprised and disturbed as you are that I've just written a whole blog about handkerchiefs. If you must use handkerchiefs, please wash often and don't offer them to others. Or better yet, if i see you using one, I will personally go and by you a big box of Kleenex.

13 braids

I'm one who likes to experiment new things. I enjoy meeting new people, going to new places, and trying new foods. I'm that kid who will squirt paint of various colors across a canvas and smear it around just to see what I get. My favorite thing to experiment with is no doubt my hair. I've had my hair long, short, and multicolored. My theory with hair has always been, "It's just hair, it will grow back." Tonight, as I sat around waiting for a Friday night plan to pop up, I some how ended up wrapping my hair into braids that cover my head. 13 braids to be exact. Now, to be completely blunt, I look throwed- in a ghetto-fabulous way that is- but throwed none the less. Now as interesting it is to see this extremely white girl flaunt braids, and may I say completely rock them, I can't imagine myself writing more than I already have about them. So, what was the point of this post? Hair? No...oh right, experimenting.

I feel like it's a good concept. Experimenting is how one learns. You can learn about what you do and don't like in hairstyles, foods, clothes, places, and people. Even those science fair projects we were forced to do in elementary school were good experiments for life. I mean, I hated them with a passion, but how else would I ever know what brand of bubble bath produces the longest lasting bubbles. I like bubble baths, so that experiment has really helped me in the long run, and I still use Mr. Bubbles to this day.

Something I've never really thought about is what happens when an experiment goes wrong? If it's hair, and for instance by accident you leave dye in for too long and it turns green, like I said it's just hair. But if your experiment involves places and you decide to pack up and move from Houston to the Himalayas , what do you do when you realize you hate the cold? Basically, you end up SOL, unless you are financially able to make back to back moves like nothing. What do you do when you try a new food, and at the same time you learn you are extremely allergic to it; once again you're SOL. And honestly I have no solution to offer for when an experiment goes wrong, I mean sorry dude... C'est La Vie.

And that's just it, it is just life. We all die in the end, and if I died without knowing whether or not I could rock the ghetto braids, well I don't think I would be satisfied. I say, things are going to go wrong no matter what you do in life, so why not experiment your butt off and learn a little bit about yourself. On one hand, take a vacation somewhere to determine if you like that place before you move your life there, and you should get allergy tested. But on the other, date somebody who usually wouldn't be "your type." Take a bite out of a meal you'd never think of trying. If you get bored, tie your hair into 13 braids, and as you sit and read this hope that your hair isn't breaking at the same time... And if it does, oh well. It's just hair; it's only life. Experiments keep life interesting and fun, they teach you about yourself, they could really surprise you.

Now, tell me that's not sexy... but never again..