Is it here yet?!?

Hmm. To blog about the New Year now... or wait until next week and find something else to write about for now..
Survey says: NEW YEARS!!

WOW. I cannot believe it. It seems like the impossible, so difficult for me to grasp. 2012. This is the year I've been waiting for my entire life. This is the year I had to look forward to all through my teenage-angst years, when I hated everything. This year, or thinking about this year, is what helped me through so many nights.This is it. This is everything I've ever wanted. This new year;  2012. And it is FINALLY (almost) here!! I don't know how to express my excitement. 2012 used to seem like forever away, like I would never get there, but now its less than a week away. OMBUDDHA I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO PARTY! This is my year, you guys. It can be yours too, I'm not claiming ownership of it, but it is no doubt my year. WEEeeee!

But before I can go on talking about this next year, I have unfinished business with 2011. I can honestly say it was a great year. For the most part, it was much better than years prior to it. I learned a lot this year; about the world, the people who inhabit said world, and about myself. 2011 is the only year in a long time that was filled with pretty much no self hatred. I've been able to accept and love things instead. I feel like, as a person, I've grown a lot this year. I'm more independent. More prepared for life. I guess you could say I know who I am and have actual plan for the future and am mature or something. And on top of that, It feels like, even more than last year, friendships have really set. I have too many fond memories to decide a favorite one, but I did a lot of traveling and exploring and friend making and everything. It was a good year

I fully expect 2012 to trampled 2011 though. I get to finish up high school, become legal in several ways, go to college, and so much more. There is SO much adventure in my future, and new things, and new people, and I can't wait. I like new. I don't know what all I have coming my way, but I couldn't be more enthusiastic to experience it. Along with all of that, I also have some actual new year's resolutions. I believe last year my plan was to break hearts and take virginities... which didn't exactly pan out. But this year I have real resolutions, despite the fact that I don't think you need a new year to make a change... These are more like changes that I am wanting and going for, which just so happen to be around the coming of a new year. ANYWAY.
In 2012 I'm going to:

• Love more
• Drink less
• Be less needy
• Care less about what people think
• Not let my anxiety get the best of me
• Not let my family get the best of me
• Go for the things that I want
• Stand up for what I believe in

Now I still need to find out what I'm doing New Year's Eve...
And that's that. It's my time now.
Have a great new year, guys.
See you in 2012. Eeeeeeeeee!!!

Baby It's Cold Outside

CHRISTMAS IS SO CLOSE AND I'M SO EXCITED!
Like, little kid excited...

But I'm also very, very disappointed. You see, I was pumped because this year I was going to be able to actually buy all my friends and family gifts. I have never been able to spoil them like I want to due to my broke teenager status and it makes me sad. So I was suppose to get a check for a good $900 before we left school for break. And I was going to shop til I dropped for them.... BUT THE DUMB PEOPLE DIDN'T PRINT THE CHECK, and now I won't have money until January because they aren't open for the next two weeks, ugh! I had so many ideas for everybody and it was such a big deal for me... SO that sort of sucks.

Nevertheless, I'm still excited. I love the holidays for so many reasons. I pretty much NEVER get tired of Christmas music, and I've been singing and listening to it since November! I think Christmas sweaters that old people wear are ADORABLE, and I love seeing them all around. I love the qdecorations; the tree, the knick-knacks, the lights! I love driving around and seeing the lights around the neighborhood, people can be pretty creative. I love Christmas movies and specials. I love the cold. I love the food that will come, although my family is going for a Mexican food Christmas dinner which slightly scares me because we a so white. I love being off of school. I love Santa Clause. I love being able to spend so much time with everybody I love. And most of all I love how nice people can be.

I swear the holidays bring out the best in everyone and I don't exactly get why but I love it. Just. SO many good deeds go around and SO much giving. I love the giving. People really show how they care and let others know how they matter. I wish people were this nice ALL THE TIME. Like, why spread only the holiday cheer, why not spread the cheer of life year-round. That would be awesome. But anyway I love Christmas and the entire holiday season. It's pretty much THE time of the year where you can make everybody happy and happiness just flows throw the air. I can't wait for my three to four day Christmas celebration with all the different people in my life. I plan on it being full of nog and smiles and an adult-sized onesie and maybe some snow globes and caroling and I DON'T KNOW, EVERYTHING!! Do people really carol? I know some people from school were going to go, maybe I'll try it.

So I hope you are as excited about this next week as I am. I hope everything goes great and is full of cups of cheer and mistletoe and all things good in life. That's about all I have for you so I'll leave you with a few fun holiday pictures and Make The Yuletide Gay :]

Mistletoe Hats

Toys For Tots

Poster made by Dylan


OH YEAH, AND WOO! IT'S CHRISTMAS BREAK FOREVER!!!!

The Awkward

Life is SOO awkward... am I right, or that just me?I mean "That Awkward Moment When.." rolls through my head and my newsfeed ALL the time. The awkwardness of talking to people you don't know very well, the awkwardness when your mom doesn't believe you aren't dating (insert friend's name) because you spend so much time with them, awkwardness when your mom then feels the need to recite the "rules" to you because of said friend. The awkwardness of being sang to for your birthday. There is this awkwardness of wanting something you can't have and of saying something at the wrong moment. It can all be so weird and sometimes the BEST, but other times the worst. AND SOMETIMES there is just this confusion and you have no idea what to say or do.

Awkward can be funny. I LOVE funny awkward, it's like my day-to-day ritual. This is where you take a perfectly normal and un-weird moment and MAKE it awkward. Like, a song is playing on the radio and you turn to the person next to you and serenade them with inappropriate lyrics. OR saying something totally out of line and throwing an unnecessary shoulder-rub at the end. When you are the one purposely making the awkward  happen, its freaking hilarious! I don't know, there is something about being a creeper that entertains me. Awkward can be NOT SO FUNNY as well, even though usually when you look back it actually is funny, but in the moment, not so much. For me, this includes the examples given above, but when someone else is doing them to me, especially when strangers do... But the absolute worst awkwardness comes when you can't ignore something and don't know how to react. This is so frustrating to me, I just get mad...

I can be super witty sometimes and save myself, but when I'm completely caught off guard and left standing there dumbfounded (a jaw dropped, eye twitching, baffled dumbfounded!!!). I HATE IT! What do you even do when you are just put on the spot out of nowhere. e.g. a lot of people don't have this problem but I do, about talking to my mother about anything personal. It took me forever to be comfortable asking her to buy me tampons, I hate telling her about relationships or crushes or anything sexual... Geez, maybe it really is just
ME, but it's a real problem. I can talk about ANYTHING to other people (friends, teachers, strangers) but I can't to my family. Not because I don't trust them but I don't know how to let them know things. It's so difficult. And I try to avoid situations with all of my power, to a point where I am literally hiding from them, but sometimes they just ask a question or make a comment that makes me  uncomfortable.

If you do know what I'm talking about, if you do have these problems, I'd love to know I'm not alone. And I'm just telling you all this because I feel like it, even though I know what I have to do in such situations. I think I'll share this information with you, in fact. You see, some very nice ladies once said to "own the awkward." Make it yours. Those uncomfortable situations are only as awkward as you make them, and it is very possible for you to turn them into those other more humorous moments. Just do what you have to do, say whatever it is that needs to be said and OWN that shiz.
Mom: Are you dating that friend you go everywhere with because you sure spend a lot of time together and you know the rules where you can't cuddle on the couch and no sex and if you are going to have sex talk to me and use protection and blah blah BLAH! (notice lack of punctuation because she doesn't stop!)
You: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT MOM! We aren't dating and I will tell if we or anybody else are. I know the rules. AND I NEED TAMPONS, THANK YOU!

No biggie right? LIES! It's pretty difficult, but if you act like it isn't, like it's totally normal, you'll be fine. And the moment will pass and your cheeks will return back to normal from being flaming red and it's all good. Own the awkward, whether a funny situation or not. Life IS awkward, and you can't exactly eliminate the turtle from your life, but you can control it.

On a completely separate note, remember me telling you about that super-rad musician? Her fundraiser only has 17 hours to go, and we are SO close to the goal for her to make 2.5 new records! I WANT THIS!
Also I have (have had for a while) a Tumblr, and am now trying to keep up with it and make it cooler, feel free to check it out! (it's full of my obsessions) I think there was something else but I don't remember so have a grand ole day!

We Are Family

I complain a lot. About things that I should NOT complain about. A lot of the time I'm complaining about my family. But let's set the record straight and make it perfectly clear that I LOVE THEM! OKAY?! I don't spend as much as I should with them, I don't always treat them right, and I take advantage of them. But I promise I love and appreciate them. When it comes down to it, we are always there for each other. 

My dad can be a jerk. He gets mad at stupid things and has his little temper tantrums. He complains about things more than I do. He can talk an annoyingly lot about things I don't really care about. BUT he is always willingly to  do anything I need. He is always ready to take care of me. And dammit he can make me laugh my head off. Out of my whole family, he's the one I can be a complete dork with and he will be equally as dorky back and we can just have a good time doing it. He knows stuff like nobody's business and can give you a complete lesson on anything you desire. I love it when he plays his guitar and sings, it's really calming and I enjoy it. I remember him playing songs to me as I grew up, and it just makes me happy. I love him.

My brother can be just as much as a jerk as dear daddy. He is by far the most offensive person I've ever met. He is very judgmental and he can really get under my skin. He knows how to send me off the edge. But we get along anyway. He can be pretty hilarious and in ways we are exactly the same. I like spending time with him and I'd say we're pretty close. It's different hanging out with him because we are the closest in age and are actually like friends at times. He has always been entertaining and fun to be with. Even when he's on my last nerve, that's what brothers are for; I love him.

My sister asks too many questions about things that aren't her business. She thinks it's funny when she makes fun of me. She can be difficult and bratty. I say a lot that I wish she'd stop living off of mom and dad and be an adult already, but it's not true. Honestly I love having her around. She's like a best friend. I miss her when she's gone. She is ridiculous and it makes me laugh. She cares about me and what's up with me. She's the best sister I could ask for and for my entire life, even when we didn't get along, she has been one of my favorite people. I look up to her. I'm proud of her. I love her.

My mom. MY MOTHER. She can be a complete psycho. She annoys me when she's too sensitive or doesn't understand me. I hate it when she tries to make me something I'm not. BUT MY MOTHER IS THE GREATEST PERSON EVER. She's always ready to catch me when I fall. She's always there to rescue my butt. When I've screwed up, she can fix it. When I can't do something, she shows me how. She supports me through everything, even when she doesn't agree. She's accepting. When she doesn't understand me, she tries to learn and change. She would do anything for me and she is the reason behind all of my success. I can be a real bitch to her. But she's always forgiving. She can calm me down when I'm overwhelmed. We've been through everything together, and we always come out closer. I love her.

Not that you were wondering how I feel about my family, but I thought I should exclaim it. Even if this is just something for me to come back and read when they've got me ripping my hair out of my head. I'm so lucky to have the family that I do. I value them more than anything. I tend to disagree with them a lot, and tend to rebel from what they've taught me, but in the end I will always cherish them. I only hope that you, reader, have been given an equally incredible family. I hope that I'm not the only one who is so close to their family and whose family is so loving, because I surely don't deserve them. All of my families are incredible. My family-family, my friends-family, my FFA-family; all the people in my life are incredible. How did I get so damn lucky?