One thing I will never, ever, understand is a handkerchief. I'm not sure if they are used in real life, or just the movies, but either way, gross... Why would anybody use one, or invent one for that matter. I mean, if you have to sneeze or blow your nose or whatever, fine; but for what reason would one ever wish to do so and then shove the sinus covered cloth back into their pocket. What are you going to do with it, save your boogers? The next time you have to sneeze and you pull out your nose's trusty friend, won't you just end up wiping your old snot on yourself? And then there's the fact that the mucus will probably dry onto the handkerchief and be all hard and stuck together, or even stuck to your pocket.. To make matter's worse, handkerchiefs are also used to wipe away tears. If I were crying my eyes out and needed to dry my cheeks, I wouldn't want to use the same cloth I blew my nose with a few hours ago. I've never tried it, but i feel as though wiping boogers across your eyes would be an unpleasant, and possibly painful, feeling.
Then there are the special handkerchief's that have been hand-crafted and personalized, made out of the finest silk. Why would you spend the significant amount of money I imagine a handkerchief of that standard being, to blow your nose. Obviously your nostril slime is precious and must be cared for in the most elegant manner.. No, it really and truly is not. And, just wondering, how often are handkerchiefs washed? Do you go days carrying around your snot, or do you make it a daily chore to wash that thing? Actually, I feel like hourly would be necessary...
Dare I even start with the offering one's handkerchief to another. There are different levels of this, somebody nearby sneezes and you whip out your "hanky" and hand it over, like your being nice or something. Then there's the whole "Here, as a token of my undying love for you, I offer you my handkerchief," which is even worse when it is "...my great-great grandmother's handkerchief." How is a handkerchief going to go from generation to generation like an hierloom. In either case it's really more like saying "hey, take my old snot-rag that has been used by who knows how many cold-infected people, and contribute to my mucus collection, sweetheart." No thank you. No matter how "undying" our love may be, if you give me your overused tissue, it's off. Like, last year in in class we had to read Shakespeare's play "Othello," and one of the most significant items in the story is a handkerchief that characters are pretty much fighting over. It just doesn't make sense to me, how are they a symbol of love, and why would anybody want one, somebody else's especially....
In my opinion, there is nothing okay with a handkerchief. The concept of it grosses me out and screams "UNSANITARY." The various different uses only add to the EW-factor, all I can think about is smearing snot all over my face. Sharing a handkerchief is only asking for some sort of freakish disease, spreading germs doesn't seem like a good idea. Even the word "handkerchief" is disturbing to me, and very awkward to type multiple times. Handkerchiefs are only ever slightly appropriate if is it strictly an accessory in one's suit. If your a handkerchief user, I'm about to introduce you to two awesome inventions us of the 21st century tend to use. First is the napkin; it is the paper-made, soft, disposable, and socially acceptable handkerchief. Second, the trash can; you don't have to shove that newly found napkin into your pocket, only to make a mess, ever again. Trash cans have been installed in virtually every building, restroom, and park, so when you blow your nose into a napkin , throw it away, don't save it. I'm just as surprised and disturbed as you are that I've just written a whole blog about handkerchiefs. If you must use handkerchiefs, please wash often and don't offer them to others. Or better yet, if i see you using one, I will personally go and by you a big box of Kleenex.
No comments:
Post a Comment