Gone To Texas

I've been in Austin for about 5 days, now. And MAN have I done a lot already. Concerts, and food, and adventures, and people, and walking, and bus rides, and music, and hookah bars, guys. ITS BEEN SO FUN. I'm in love with Austin, and now that I'm finally here, I can't say that I have any desire to leave... It's all been fun and games, and I look forward to what else might roll my  way while I'm here. But I wasn't really excited about the school part of college life starting up on Wednesday, until tonight.

Tonight the university had it's "Gone to Texas" rally for the incoming class of 2016. I'm not sure if it was the energy exploding from all directions, or the endless rivers of brand new longhorns gathered around the orange-lit tower, or maybe the spunk in the crowd while singing "The Eyes of Texas", or the way each speaker had their own message for us freshman to take into account, but I'm so ready now. After a long, lazy, partying summer, I was reminded what I want; I remember why I'm here and my aspirations to truly change the world. And I know that I'm in the right place in my life; right here, right now.

I'm psyched to wake up and go to my first classes tomorrow. I want to be the best freaking student I can. I'm ready to learn like I've never done before and just absorb all of this amazingness surrounding me. I'm glad I went tonight and got the boost of energy I needed to be the longhorn that I have ALWAYS looked forward of being. I am honestly at the best school in the world, and feel confident that I am going to love every second of my time here. Yes, even the inevitable stress and  exhaustion will be worth it in the end. 

I'm a person who gets super excited and feels like they can do absolutely anything after a good pep talk, so I'm just so stoked right now.  And my super nerd has revealed herself once more as I am now very excited my education at UT and starting my own adventure to change the world.

On a side note I played Just Dance on the Wii in front of all  of my fellow Communication students... no regrets... 

HOOK 'EM!! \m/

Call me Whodini.

I just got back from an amazing weekend at a river house with some of my dearest friends. We went as a sort of last adventure together before we all go our separate ways at the end of August; bitter sweet, right? Well, their was a lot of sweet. New memories were made from skinny dipping to antique shopping. I'm pretty sure everyone had a good time. But the bitter part... It was there, you could tell when we'd start talking about college. Or when the younger members of the group would talk about going into their senior year of hs. And definitely when we're all laying down and someone drifts off to sleep, only to wake up with tears in their eyes and soaking their pillow. But for me? I've never felt bitter about it all.

When we got back home and were dropping people off, one of the guys said bye to the others, then told me not to disappear. I'm def over thinking this, but I was a little bit like "huh?" am I really the one who disappears from people. Am I going to be the one who leaves and never comes back? This is obviously a dumb question. I've been ready, planning even, to do that since I was in elementary school. I was counting down the days to graduation long before I even got into high school. But you have to understand that I never expected to make such amazing friends over the years. Still. I AM the one who always disappears. I can be super close to somebody at one point, inseparable bff's, and then like nothing retract myself from their lives. And that's just a part of me, I don't know how to help it, it's natural. I will put so much effort into something, someone, only to disappear in the end. While my friends sit and reminisce about the good times, I'm already wondering what type of new friends I'll make in the future. I'm sorry, I'm horrible. But... I don't know. I didn't think people noticed that that's what I do. And I know nobody really knows why, but most of the time when I disappear it's for my own good. In those times, I've lost myself and need to get back intone with who I am. I spend a lot of time alone and with myself. That's where I disappear to, my own mind... But anyways, It never really hit me that I'm already going to disappear from all of these people... (like I said, over thinking. He wasn't really pointing out all the things from the past. Just the future.)

Anyway.
You're thinking I'm a horrible person, an awful friend. But I just see it for what it is, I'd say I'm just being rational. I love my friends. I couldn't have asked for a better group to get me through the hells of high school. I couldn't dream of better memories. I think very highly of every single one of them. But I'm not sad about starting my new life, even if some of those friends aren't a part of it. I'm not bitter about it. We're all going to do great things. We're all going to meet great people and just have entirely great lives. Sure, I'll miss them from time to time. I'll wish they were with me when I hear a certain song or something. But I know that it's okay, it's life. Moving on is a part of the whole shebang. I doubt I will cry when it comes to final goodbyes. I doubt I'll give anything a second thought when I walk away. This is it. This is good. I wish them all the best and hope they find exactly what they are looking for in life. I can try not to disappear. I would like to visit from time to time, but I'm not going to fool myself or any of them by saying that things won't change and we'll all stay in touch. I've accepted that. I accepted that before I even met these people. It's okay...

Lastly, if you remember on New Years my friend and I made "2012 bucket/to-do lists" for each other (skinny dipping, check) and one of mine is to tell all my friends (well any 5 i want) how I feel/what I think about them before we go off. Since I'm moving with my family at the end of the week, this is the time to do so. I have no idea what to tell anyone. And this might be the hardest part for me because I'm either completely apathetic about things, or WAY extreme, over the top... I'll have to see what pans out... Well, guys. Idk what's next.



Here's a picture of a kangaroo I made from some mysterious connectable toy things at the river house. :)

Summer Starts

Dude it's summer.
SUMMER!

And I'm gonna hop back on this blog train and be throwing posts at you like a mofo.

With that said, I have MANY goals this summer and I would like to share them with you because if they stay in my mind they are less likely to get done.

So, here we go.

-Blog More
-Watch the entire Doctor Who series
-Make new friends
-Reconnect with old friends
-Be a vegetarian
-Be healthy
-Teach my dog tricks
-Watch all of the Jurassic Parks
-Cut off my hair
-Re-read The Hunger Games trilogy
-Beat my Zelda video game
-Come out to my siblings
-Flirt.
-Get some tattoos
-Ride my Bike
-Phineas and Ferb (I won't explain)
-Swim
-Get a Vehicle of my own
- Go to Parties
- Volunteer
-Get my dog fixed
-Get money, get bitches

And in no particular order, those are my goals, the ones I can think of at least, there will probably be more.
In other news I FINALLY got a phone back (I hadn't had one since like April and it was horrible and part of the reason why I stopped blogging and lost all my friends) That sounded pathetic, but you know...

As I'm writing this I am "watching" the video directions on what I need to do before I register for my classes for the Fall, and it's boring. But WAY worth it because, well, it's UT.

I'm going to go do something I might regret now, wish me luck.
Kbye.

Fiesta! All day, Everyday.

Do you want to hear about my day??? Because it was THE BEST.
I went on my last high school field trip to Fiesta Texas in San Antonio with a bus load of amazing people.
And it was EXACTLY what I needed.

The pass few days I had been feeling awfully down and gloomy. Just everywhere I went, everyone I saw, and everything I did depressed me a bit more. BUT today made it all disappeared. It started out with loading on to a charter bus at 5:30 in the not so bright and shiny morning. I slept a good portion of the way to the park, but woke up to watch The Addams Family and play some sort of werewolf game where I kept killing off innocent villagers. We stopped at Buc-ee's for some bfast and got to the park a few minutes before it opened.

I haven't been to an amusement park in a few years and was really craving some roller coasters - because roller coasters are my favorite thing, well one of them, like if a roller coaster came in liquid form I'd be willing to shoot it through my veins... So we kinda formed into a group and set off. We started out with some of the smaller rides, but I was yearning for some roller coasters. At first, the one we were in line for broke down, and then we found out the Superman wasn't running, but we finally got on a ride AND THEN THE FIRST ROLLER COASTER STARTED WORKING AND SUPERMAN STARTED RUNNING SO IT WAS OKAY. Roller coasters make me laugh hysterically because I'm having so much fun on them, I pretty much look like a seal, clapping my arms together and barking, by the end. They were just a great, and very needed, thrill.

Aside from the fun of the coasters, I ended up with an awesome group of people who just kept me laughing and smiling throughout the day - that is long lines, hot sun, dark lunches, and back-and-forth walking. But none of that was even bad, I honestly cannot complain about this trip. I amusement parked until I felt sick at my stomach, which conveniently was around the time we were loading back on the buses. And when I got back to my seat I was dirt tired, woozy, dehydrated, and sweaty. Everyone was. So you would think it would be a calm ride home... It was for the first 45 minutes on the way back to Buc-ee's for dinner (btw they have awesome grilled cheese sandwiches that I am just learning of), but then all of the sudden it was like we were all high; high on exhaustion, high on life, and high on sugar.  And the ride home was crazy. At one point we are watching Avatar, and the next I have friends behind making turbans and weaves out of blankets. AND then they started doing yoga and had there legs all up in the air while my friends beside and in front of me are chanting at the top of their lungs beneath a blanket. And all I knew to do was laugh, and I laughed hard. We went on to share stories and make fun of teachers and have a few random top-of-our-lung ballad sing-a-longs. The bus driver would seriously speed up when we started singing to get us out of his bus faster. And the entire way, no matter how ridiculous EVERYONE was being, I could not stop smiling.

It was a FUN day, everyone. FUN. :)
I'm really glad I ended up going.

Thank you for entertaining me and allowing me to talk about my day with you. Tomorrow is my last regular day of high school. Finals start Friday and I don't think I have to take any, so like... I'm done. We're done.
I cried a lot last night in Glee's graduation/finale because all these friends were leaving each other and having to say goodbye, but I haven't gotten that feeling IRL, yet...? And maybe I should be feeling that because I am not really getting much of a summer with them... My family is moving this summer and I can plan on visiting all I want, but my plans tend to be put on the back burner in this household, so.... Idk.
But I know that I'm bringing a crap load of pictures tomorrow to glue to the dozens of banners of students in the main hall because through all the major events this year they have managed to keep me off the wall, so I'm adding myself. And I have to get a few more people to sign my year book. After today I really don't want to have to go to school tomorrow but... just one more day, that's all I've got, man.

I have to go because my dog missed me all day and can't stand to be ignored for a computer. Sorry this is sort of BLAH, I'm just still all happy and excited from today...


And anyone who went today and reads this is going to think I'm so lame for coming straight home to write this, but.. oh well [:

Prom-ing up the Night

Holy (insert religious deity of your choosing here) PROM is tonight!

How crazy is that?!?!?

Over the last several months I've been like, "Prom is forever away, why do I have to make any decisions now?" Honestly if I hadn't have had a date who pushed me to get everything done, I would still probably been unprepared. But I got the dress, shoes, other accessories, hair is getting done later alone with nails and make-up (geez I sound like such a girl). Yet it still doesn't feel like its happening...

Despite my lack of belief in this reality, I truly am excited. I've never been to a prom since NS only have a senior prom, and I've never been super in with many of the past seniors. Which I say is good because this is MY prom and I think it is only suppose to be a one time experience.
I remember when I was younger(like 8) ---whoa whoa whoa! I have a different spill about being younger in a minute*--- and I thought prom was the stupidest thing ever. I was the kid who was very much like OH HELL NO I'M NOT WEARING A BIG DRESS, and what not. Even when I got older(like freshman year) and tagged a long to help my sister with her prom-preparation-festivities, I was pretty sure that it wasn't for me. But guess what, I'm going to prom, with one of my closest friends, in a fancy dress-and hair and make-up and heels- and I'm super excited. I wasn't even excited at first, but as the time unbelievingly crept closer, my excitement has indeed grown. I guess I am more girlish than I would usually admit when it comes to liking to feel pretty.  And our theme is "Night of Nostalgia" and I'm wondering if they are going to be playing 90's music or something- which I'd be cool with, yo.

But guys, why does Mother's Day have to be tomorrow? It's one of the few days of the year that I wear anything my mom wants me to (dresses) and go anywhere my mom wants me to (church). I haven't actually told my mom that I'm NOT coming home after prom. And I'm not sure when I'll be home the next day either. I love my mother (even though she was a punk this week) but like I already said, this prom thing only happens once; I want to do all the jazz that comes with it including hotel room after parties. UGH. She will understand, right?

In other news I'm an official nerd because I had SOME FUN taking the AP Lit+Comp test the other day. I'm pretty confident about the Gov/Eco test next week. I am SO SET for graduation in June that it's no joking matter. My graduation present (and my sister's because she just graduated with her Bachelor's yesterday) is a 5 day trip to New York. I'm so freaking pumped about it and I've already got tickets to see Wicked on broadway! Later in the summer, I also have tickets for The Lion King. My brother is still a punk. My dog is HUGE. My life is a balance between sucking and awesomeness, so I guess that makes it average?? I've pretty much set in on a IDGAF school attitude since GPA's a Ranks set in (which I've decided I'm content with my #55) I still have no phone, haven't for over a MONTH. It's sort of raining at the moment. I'm the only one awake right now and about to enjoy some oatmeal. I have no pants on. #thingsyoudontneedtoknow

Mmhhmmm.

Oh.

*Guys, how old do I look???? I've always been told I look younger than I am. But it's only hit me these last few months when I start talking about college or graduation and people who don't know me all that well are like "WHAT I THOUGHT YOU WERE 16." And to confirm this, I've asked my entire family, many friends, some teachers, and some strangers to tell what age I look. EVERY ANSWER WAS 16. They all say that that will be a good thing for me in the future, but I just want to look my age. I'm going to be 18, a freaking adult who can vote and shit, in about 3 weeks. 18. Not 16. So I went on to ask my family how old I looked when I WAS 16. Answer? 14. Really?! To make matters worse, all of those same people say that my LITTLE brother looks 16 as well. He IS 14. Yes, he is taller and bigger and stronger than I am, but he is only 14. And apparently we look the same age??!! What?
So I don't know, it's not that I'm upset. I'm just surprised. It's probably no big deal, I just want it to be known that I am in fact turning EIGHTEEN on June 2nd, no other age.


Look a Hippo

kbye.

Ends and Ends

I realized that I can't write this post. I can't sit here and tell any of you how important FFA is to me. Sure I can tell you how it made me come out of my shell, transforming me from a shy kid to a confident leader. I could tell you have many lessons I've learned through FFA, lessons about agriculture, about life, and about myself. I could sit and explain how much I have loved loved LOVED being a member, and an officer, emphasizing how I've grown and how much I owe to the program and all of the people involved in it. I could tell you that my ag teachers, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, who I have known longer than any of my friends, are my role models. How I think the world of them and love them dearly. I could tell you so many things, all true things, but even if I used excellent diction and described it to a T, you still wouldn't understand. I really don't think anyone could understand it. But yeah. I can't write this post, just as I could not give a proper speech about it last night. I did a pretty wretched job at it actually. 

Last night was my last FFA Banquet. And even though we still have 2 months until we graduate, last night I said goodbye to many amazing people who I have grown so close to. Last night, I had to retire my officer position. And Today. I am no longer the President of the North Shore FFA Chapter. Today it's like I'm nothing. I'm nothing without it all. The North Shore FFA isn't just some program; it's my home. It's everything to me and I don't know what I am now without it... I'm nothing. And dammit I cried so effing hard after it was over. I cried like someone I loved had died. And it was a death, a death of the biggest aspect of my life; of everything I know. And I realize I'm sounding a tad bit on the dramatic side; but that's how heavy my heart feels right about now. I love it all so much, I'm going to miss it all SO MUCH. I AM ready to graduate, go to college, and start a new part of my life. But I just wasn't ready to let it all go. I wanted, more than anything, to hold on for just a bit longer, until the end of the year, or something. 

Still. This Banquet went pretty amazing, and it was something That I ran, I put to gather. Everyone was super proud of me and the person I've become. I got a lot of hugs that I just wanted to hold on tight to. So many people told me I've been a great president; one of the greatest the program has ever had. It's hard to agree, but it still feels good to hear. Deep down I know it's time to move on, that I've played my role and have to continue on to the next chapter of my life. I know that I've been prepared to take on life and become someone great. The Huge Fish, THAT I STILL HAVEN'T TOLD YOU ABOUT DAMMIT!

And I made it through the entire ceremony before I busted into tears as I left the stage. 

Today's just bittersweet, you know....

It was like everything had just gotten started, but in a blink it was over.

It hurts.

But It will be okay.

I can't thank the people of the FFA enough for giving my such an amazing chance to shine.

I love them.

Estrogen.

Let. Me. Tell. You.
Not even going to try to apologize for not writing when I said I would. I'm tired of apologizing. I'll write when I have time. I'll write when i feel like it. Like right now. Lol. Write now. And I'm pushing back my fish spiel another week because I need to let some emotional distress out today.

I'm way waaaaayyyy too emotional. It's ridiculous and annoying. Now, usually I can control it. But that one stupid week of the month when my hormones are on fire, I can't be held responsible for my ridiculousness. Last night I stayed up to finish The Mockingjay, and at then end I started crying. All three of the books made me cry a bit and choke up a lot, but not like this. I cried through the last three chapters of the book, finished it, and then cried myself to sleep. In pathetic. I mean it was good but my reaction was pathetic. And I hate myself when I think of ever crying myself to sleep....

And this morning. DEAR BUDDHA I'VE BEEN A WRECK. I was takin my puppy on a walk and these two huge dog run up to us, too fast for me to react, and attacked my little baby! She's okay. No wounds or punctures or anything. But we were both terrified out of our minds. She was wailing a scared puppy dog wail. And the were in top of her and I couldn't pull them off and I couldn't get to her. Finally their owner come up and pulls them off. I grabbed my puppy and run, completely in tears. I ran to the end of the street with her and sat down in the corner to make sure she was okay. She is. Her little tail was tucked in between her legs and she peed on herself, but I can't blame her I would have done the same thing if I had had to pee. And I was shaking and rocking and crying with her in my arms. I couldn't walk the other half a mile home and called my mon to come get us.... The man came and apologized. But. Fuck. I've been shaken up all day.


And to add on top of it all, I'm late. We are going to Austin this week. I'm uber excited because I get to spend the entire week somewhere I love. I show my steer the beginning of the week, my heifer at the end. And the rest of the time I'm free to be in Austin. But we are late. Late to unload, late to check in, late. And one thing that drives me crazy, that will put me into an anxiety attack, is being late. So the normal anxiety of being late plus to enhanced emotions, makes me a wreck. An in trying not to tear up more, I'll probably take a nap when I'm done writing this so my mind won't stay on it. But man, I can't handle more disaster....

Stuff and Things and Whatnot

I don't know what happened. I just stopped. Stopped everything. Stopped facebooking, stopped tweeting, stopped tumblring, and stopped blogging. Everything social networking wise, stopped, and I was kind of letting myself disappear. That's not good though. For reasons I'm not prepared to announce, social networking is a good thing for me. And it's not that I haven't had the time to post things, I just haven't had anything to say. Nothing that's worth anyone's time at least. But I'm going to try and pretend like my life is more interesting, and say something starting now.

First off, this post is simply talking about things going on in my life. It will be in three sections, each a different topic. And I will be returning tomorrow for a more interesting blog about marine life... kinda.

I've become a victim of a few bandwagons. Like. Have you guys read The Hunger Games?!?! I decided to about a week ago, and I am now obsessed!! I've never been like this about a book series, well not since Nancy Drew books in elementary... I saw all the Harry Potter's, and read a book or two, and I liked it but I am in no way a Potterhead. Twilight, no. But THE HUNGER GAMES OWN MY HEART. I'm almost done with the last book, and that's the quickest I've ever read anything. I'm generally a sloooowwww reader. But I could not put these books down. I'll be in Austin for a heifer show when the movie comes out, but hopefully I can steal away from my farmer life for a few hours to go see it. Well. I wouldn't discuss the books here and ruin it for anyone who hasn't read them. But. You. Need. To. Read. Them. I'm so giddy talking about them, I've forgotten what the other bandwagon I was going to talk about was....
OH YEAH! Drawsomething. Most games I roll my eyes  and make fun of the people who play it, but I like this one. If you don't have or know of this game, it's like a Word with Friends but Pictionary style. And if you do play, feel free to make a game with me: tay4cookie

It's Spring Break... And even though I'm not going to school, it doesn't feel like Spring Break. And the week is going by super-dee-duper fast! I have something planned for everyday, but then I also have no plans... That makes no sense, I know, but I'm not going to take the time to explain. Hmmm, I haven't seen much of anyone other than my family and my Ag people though... Nope. I've been more on the getting-scholarships-filled-out and staying-in-my-room and playing-with-my-puppy side of the break... I need to do some essay shiz for English though. And light a fire under this darn environmental science online course.. because I need it to graduate and all... But next Monday I leave for Austin, and am spending the entire week there. Soooo, it gives me an excuse to further procrastinate... This paragraph ended up not being about much at all...

I can't remember if I've ever expressed on  here how much FFA is to me... I've talked about it a little bit, but I don't think I've said it all. I'm not going to right now. I'll go look and make sure I don't already have a post about it, and then push the topic to the top of my blog writing list to post in the next few weeks. But. I am going to point out that our banquet is the 3rd of April. And it will be time for me to retire my President position. And I have to give a speech and do all kinds of other things. But. I. Can't. I get emotional every time I think about it, and I've been thinking about it for way to long... I don't want that part of my life to be over just yet... Because sometimes I feel like I won't be anything anymore.... Like that is what makes me who I am, and without it I'm nobody... Okay. Gonna stop talking about it before I upset myself...

This post ended up being less than I imagined, but once again I'm left with nothing to say... It's so weird because all of my life I've had something to say. Even though when there are many many times where I don't say it, It's still there, in my mind. But. Today, yesterday, last week, nothing.... Sooo.
Make sure you see The Lorax if you haven't. Have a Great Spring Break. Keep Rockin'

See you TOMORROW!

Quadrennial

Today does not exist. It is not real. That's the conclusion I have come to.
Today is more like a dream; no, more like a vortex that we have been sucked into. But I know for a fact that today is not February 29th, because that day simply does not exist.

Leap year. How ridiculous. The Roman calendar which we live by, adding up the six hours we leave off of every official year, tying those hours into an entirely new day. Or any talk of Sadie Hawkins or this being the day that a woman can propose to her lover. Psshh. I don't need a particular day to propose, sweetie.

Nah. Don't write me off as crazy, yet. All that makes sense, well the calendar and additional hour stuff does. But I'm still pretty sure that today isn't real and that whatever you do today will have never happened come tomorrow. None of it is real.

Anyway. Happy Leap Year, hope you are having a great fake day.

Rodeo season has kicked off, and I am now on my way to the Houston Livestock show and Rodeo because my brother is in the Calf Scramble tonight. That's the event where all the kids chase, tackle, and halter calves, if you weren't aware. The kids who catch are awarded money to put towards a cattle project in the FFA. I was in about eight scrambles my freshman year, and never caught. Running and tackling are not my forte, but it's a lot of fun to do and watch. That all is besides the point. Rodeo. I have enjoyed being involved in the rodeo the past several years. But Frankly, I'm a little bit tired of it. There aren't any concerts I really want to see this year. I'm not all pumped about showing. I'm dreading he countless I will have to spend walking up and down the fairgrounds. But I'm trying to remember that it is my last year and I need to enjoy it.

I plan on bungee jumping very soon.
I have nothing else to say really. I just needed to write and stop neglecting any of you bosses who actually read my splurges. But since I was talking about the Rodeo, I think I will leave you with some fun photographs of me petting some zoos yesterday.

Sweet Valentine (BAH BAH BAH)

For the life of me I don't understand why people say Valentine's day is stupid.


Since when is love stupid? I've heard of love that makes people stupid, being so smitten that you do stupid things and are just plain blind. But NEVER have I heard of love itself being stupid. I agree. Valentines is completely blown up. It can be annoying it's so commercialized. I also agree that there should be ONE day where you show someone how much they mean to you. But I in no way see Valentine's day to be stupid. It's cute.

Valentine's day is not about how much money you spend, it's about putting your heart into something grand. Valentine's is not about getting the most balloons, bears, roses, or chocolates and flaunting down the school hallways with them. It's about love. I see this holiday as something so sweet. It's a day where you can be completely ridiculous with your lovey dovey romantic shit and not seem too obsessed or mushy or whipped. You can tell that somebody you love them a million times in a million ways. Or you can even just let your friends know how great they are. That goes for family too. But the point is I can't understand the depressing people who hate vday. Or those who celebrate "single awareness day" or "black Tuesday." For one, if you are that unhappy being single, then you are probably just unhappy with yourself. You need to take some time and find a you that you can love. Who can love you if you can't love yourself.... Second off, if you are that repulsed by seeing a happy couple, well, I don't know what to tell you. You should be happy for them. Like when you watch a movie and the two main characters finally end up together, and you are ecstatic beyond belief. It's the same thing. It's just another epic love story (because all love is epic) except this is in real life. Just get over yourself and let yourself love!


Or maybe you do have a special someone but still don't like vday. Don't let that stand in the way of being swept off your feet by them. If they want to do something special, you should do it... Just pretend like its any other ole day. But yeah... Valentine's day is great. Whether you choose to celebrate it with someone, by yourself, or not at all, don't hate. Love isn't stupid. And sure you should and can show your lover what they mean everyday, they don't sell heart shaped boxes of chocolate all year... It's not about anything other than spreading and sharing love in which ever way you choose.


Now, Taylor. Who is your Valentine? You received a decent amount of candy and cards today, you have given few in return, and you have joked with others about them being a date. But you don't have a Valentine, huh? Well, let's just say that I've enjoyed feeling the love in the air and being able to sing a bunch of love songs today. And tonight I plan on eating a steak dinner with my family, watching the new Glee, followed by curling done with my new puppy and some chocolate and watching Lady and the Tramp. That's exactly what I want to do. It's perfect. Puppy love is the greatest. It'll be a good night :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

And this is Ollie!!!

Just Some Business

Oh hey. So tomorrow we (my Ag teachers, another member, and I) are going to do this little presentation about our Ag program for a bunch of big time business peeps and board members in the district. Mr. Jones is going to explain a bunch of hoop-la about the three career paths our programs focuses on (animals, horticulture, and landscaping... none of which I've ever planned to be apart... I'm sort of an oddball product of FFA). And then he will introduce the other member and I to talk about how agriculture has had an impact on our lives. This is my spill about it. It's not a subject I talk about a lot because I try not to use it as any sort of crutch or excuse, I'm stronger than that. But my teacher asked me to talk about it because it's a different view point than talking just about the animals or whatever. In realizing I still needed to blog this week, I decided to also share it with you. It is very possibly something you don't know about me, so go crazy in learning something new.

Oh and remember while you're reading that it is meant to be spoken in front of a crowd...




"I'm Taylor Atchley, the North Shore FFA President and a senior at NSSH.
 I've been lucky to be apart of FFA and agriculture since the sixth grade,
and with its help, I've come a long way.

As a child, I had major speech problems. At age six, my mother was
still the only one who could decipher what I was trying to say beneath
 my murmurs, slurs, and stutters. So, when it was time for me to start school,
I was enrolled in intense speech therapy. I spent 6 years staying behind from
recess or being taken out of art class to go practice speaking; learning how
to shape my mouth to made sounds like "CH" and "SH". This made me
stay in a shell of shyness for a long, LONG time. I wouldn't talk to
people because I was afraid of them saying "What?! I don't understand you."
after I speak. It made me extremely insecure. I literally did not talk.

I joined FFA as that timid girl. But in finding a passion for agriculture, I've
been able to overcome my insecurities. It started by being in a new
environment where I didn't know anybody and I had to speak to make
new friends. And then with the support of these new friends, I was handed a
microphone and, shaking in terror, uttered out a simple announcement.
But I still dreaded speaking.
Getting into high school, I was able to learn a lot more about agriculture.
Then, at some point it all just clicked  that agriculture is a BIG DEAL and the
only way I can educate others about it's importance is to stand up and
TELL THEM! I started making myself speak to crowds, no matter
 how scare and nervous and uncomfortable I was, telling them how
agriculture effects everybody. Through this I was able to, over time,
 gain confidence that I had lacked. Then one day I was speaking to an audience
and found myself completely comfortable.

Agriculture has helped me grow as a person and a leader, it gave me a
reason to speak up. I can't think of a more positive contribution to my life.
I am NOT that shy kid anymore. Now, I'm here talking to you, just telling you
all about my struggles like it's nothing. And THIS[public speaking] is what I love
to do. I jump at the chance to speak to an audience, even though right now
my face is probably beat red. I love doing this! I love it so much it's one of the
reasons I'm going to college at the University of Texas to study in the communication
field. Without agriculture and the FFA, I'd probably be in some corner right now,
dead quiet, fearing the moment when I would have to speak. But I like being here
with the confidence to speak to all of you a lot better, I wouldn't give this up for anything.
Agriculture has made my life so much better and has helped me prepare for
a very bright future."



And that's that. The only other thing I have for you is an assumption of what I will precisely look like tomorrow morning when I'm deliver the speech. Lovely... KBYE.

Ch-ch-ch-CHANGING

I've neglected you again, I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better I'm writing this while I watch Scooby Doo, and I don't multitask while Scooby is on, so that says a lot. I actually had written a full blog earlier in the week on my phone and forgot to save it. I was a little upset that i lost it and not in the mood to redo it... But let's just jump right into something new instead of wallowing over that rubbish.

I never know how to feel about changes. And there are so many changes coming my way. With high school coming to the end, and things with everybody already being so different, EVERYTHING is going to change. I have two outlooks on these transformations, the same two outlooks I have on any kind of change no matter how small.

Naturally, I'm a creature of habit and I don't like change. Especially when people are ALWAYS making changes. To me, it's like no one can just be happy with who they are and what they've got. People are always searching for more than they need. For example, after I graduate my parents plan to leave my hometown and move elsewhere. It irks me to think about it though. You may not get it, but let me explain that I have moved from house to house way too many times in my short life. I've lived in some crappy places and had some crappy times. And before now I've always been okay with moving because it was always the only thing that made sense. However, now we are finally in a livable house. It finally feels like a home. A lot of those previous house were "temporary houses" and we wouldn't stick around for long. But this house was suppose to be it for a long time. This was suppose to be the house I come back to when I come home from college. We've only lived here for a bit over 2 years and they want to leave again. They includes my mom, sister, and brother. They are once again unhappy. I don't think my mom ever stopped looking for new houses, she won't let herself be happy. And its annoying, that constant need to change. I'm happy. This is a happy place with happy memories, why crush that. It doesn't even make sense to move where they want, they would live so far from work, you know...
There are lots of other changes that irritate me, I'm just uncomfortable with them.

But I totally see and can agree with the other side of the spectrum of changes! This is the side I TRY to be most acquainted with. Changes are for improvement. And improvement of oneself is something that should be constant. I constantly want improvement. The way I'm leaving home for college, is me wanting change. As for my family, I understand that I can't be selfish. If they aren't happy here, they need to go. They need to do what makes them happy. My mom wants to be closer to her family. My sister wants away from the not so safe neighborhoods. My brother wants to go to high school somewhere where he won't be miserable. They just want to improve their life's and that is reasonable. Living here has been right for me, and we've stuck around so i wouldn't have to change schools a bunch, but it's not right here for them. I want everyone to do what makes them happy, it's their life. If you don't like the way you look, change it. If you aren't happy where you work, change it.... (I blame my contradictory self on me being a Gemini. I'm like a walking contradiction...) I myself am always trying to show others the different sides on issues, all to change their judgmental ways if not their viewpoints. In fact one of my goals is to in so way actually change the world. So change IS good, and I have to tell my natural state of mind that all the time.

I am excited about the changes that are coming into my life. I'm thrilled to start a new life in Austin and make new friends and just have SO many changes. Yet there is still this part of me that is trying to hold on and fight it. Not fight the going to college part, but fight the change in people I guess. I'm trying to do things with the people I'm used hanging out with, but I'm not having fun anymore. Its like I'm forcing myself to go and be around them, when really change is what i need. I'm ready for the change. My stubbornness of holding on is nothing compared to my excitement for the future. Change is needed. I think what bothers me is when people don't let themselves be happy because of something dumb. To me, you can't accomplish anything unless you're happy. Even if you aren't where you want to be, even if you are striving for change, I feel like you have to at least let yourself be happy...

Change is good. Do what makes YOU happy.

Taylors will be taylors

No, no, no. I did NOT FORGET to blog this week. It's just been all go go go this week for me! I've been actually doing work in class, and I've been running, and I've replaced my nap time with reading actual books! And if you know me, you know I value my naps like I value oxygen. But now I have nothing but time for you, my blog. I am on my way to Fort Worth for the livestock show. It's Abbey Road's first major show and I'm super excited. I'm all cozied down in the backseat of the car with my hair a hot mess, my iPod a playing, and my pillow pet under my arm, ready for this four hour journey. But none of you are interested in any of that. Or maybe you are, I really have no idea. Anyway. For a while now I've just been thinking about people.

Now. I've expressed before how I love people. And I've also expressed my frustration with them. But honestly, the only thing I can say about them, no matter what mood I'm in, is that people will be people. I always say that, at least to myself. It's the most true statement I can tell you. Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Parents will be parents. Bitches will be bitches. Kids will be kids. And there is no changing any of that. No matter what, people will be people. I'm not saying that people can't change and nothing about this post is to be taken in a negative sense because I'm a Positive Polly today. So people being people is a good thing! Not to stereotype ANYONE, but most girls will take a long time in he restroom and getting ready in the morning. And that's because girls will be girls. Most parents will be completely ridiculous around your friends and instead of being embarrassed, just shrug your shoulders and laugh because parents will be parents. It's just a part of life. And it's cool. Not that this is a controversial issue and you probably aren't disagreeing or having any reaction to my statement, but I think some people need to accept this about themselves and about society. And that's all i have to say about that.

This post is real jumpy today. But not very long, I don't think. It's harder to tell how long it is on my phone. But this weekend while I'm out of town I'm also doing a project. Other than than writing a research paper, reading a book for class and writing a paper on it, and doing a lab about soil, I'm going to take a project I got for photojournalism a step further then what was assigned. Should be fun. I'm not going to tell you what it is, but it has to do with colors. IF it turns out cool then check out my Tumblr next week. And if it doesn't then oh we'll... I'm going to try and post again early next week to get back on my blogging schedule. But for now I leave you with a picture of a bald eagle.


Well my pathetic version of one!
But what else is there to do on long road trips...

Dying for Love

What would you die for?
What loss would kill you?
What would you fight for?
What would you break the rules for?
But most importantly. What. Would. You. Die. For.

In English class, we've started studying romanticism and the romantic movement. The first thing I learned, before she even said the word romantic and while she was simply describing the concept, was that I am a romantic. I'm undoubtedly, an iconoclastic, hopelessly romantic person. Now, teacher lady is the one who pointed me out, I would never claim myself as one before hand. But the more in depth she described romanticism, the more I saw myself as a part of it. I am a romantic rebel. And as we read several poems and learn about this love rebellion, we are going to have to create our own romantic poems. The theme has to be based on at least one of those questions in the introduction above. And the only one I can focus on is "what would I die for?" Whoa. Die. As in, to cease living; no breathing, no heartbeat, nothing. That's is kind of a big deal, you know. And I haven't been able to get it out of my head.

The truth is, I do not have an answer. As much as I love to love, I can't answer the question. There have been situations in the past where I thought I would die for somebody I loved, but I was wrong. Or at least that feeling passed because it is no longer true today. You see. I believe in love, but I'm not in love. So. I'm blogging about this, instead of the other thing I had planned on writing about, because sometimes I come up with my own conclusions and fix my own problems just by writing these and getting everything in my mind out in physical words.

What would I die for? My cow is the only living thing that pops in my head, but... And then, there's something that comes to mind that has always been super important to me. Dying for what you believe in, dying fighting for those beliefs. But the problem is, what exactly do I believe in?
Equality.
Expressing yourself.
An open mind.
And as I already said, love.
Everything else I believe in someway relates to love. Even the other examples I just said all come back to love, at least for me they do... Like. I believe that money is worthless, it means nothing. I'd rather be poor and have a love than rich and alone. I get that we need money to eat and do others things living requires. But I don't care for money, maybe it's just because I'm young... I don't know. All I really want is love. Teacher lady (I'm referring to her as that because writing out Sydnor is annoying) said that if we write about love, it should be about a specific and life long love. None of which I have. (I don't get how I'm a loveless lover but oh well) But. How can I die for something I don't have. If I were attracted to the other questions, it'd be easy. I break rules all the time because I'm such a bad ass rebel (she jokes, she jokes.) But those questions don't seem real enough to me. I want to put passion into this, because for the first time this year I'm interested in what's going on in English. Usually, it's my favorite subject but my teacher has managed to bore it up and I haven't learned anything. But this. This is what I dream about. All day, everyday. A love so sublime I would die for. I cannot stop thinking about it. I'm not wanting to get super sappy and explain all my desires here. I don't want to mention how more than anything I want to be the Christian to my own Satine and pour my heart out to them, possibly in song. And how I would fight for and never give up on them... Or how Moulin Rouge scenes pop in my head whenever I think about love. Sorry....

Now. This is also not me being afraid to die. It will happen when it happens and I can only hope I'm living my life to the fullest until then. It's the thought of sacrificing my own life for something. It's an uncomfortable topic. I love life, and I love living. I don't know if there is anything I would willingly give my life for; dying by choice. I don't I have the heart to do that. I think I'm too selfish to do that. And maybe I'm being completely ridiculous and taking this way to seriously and should just write a damn poem about pizza or something. But I need to know this for myself. I'm trying to think of how to state this without it having the wrong, negative, connotation. Its like... You have to have something to live for. Some reason why you are who you are and do what you do. And that same reason you live, should be something you are willing to die for, get it? Dude... I'm way to attached to living to think about this. And I cannot think of something I would die for, for anything. Doesn't that make me not the romantic person I was earlier? I'm not sure, maybe. And now I'm running out of things on my mind and I'm trying not to babble, but I've yet to stumble on to a conclusion....

After thinking and and more about it as the day went by, Conclusion time: I would go to great risks to express myself. I would fight for love no matter what the consequence. I would break any damn rule to be happy and free. I would be lost without my individuality and love. But dying. There is something about using that word that freaks me out. But when it comes down to it, I guess there are things I'd die for. If I needed to express something or stand up for something or not let others oppress me, then I would accept death in those efforts. Maybe the problem is the way the question has been so strongly worded. It makes me feel like I would be taking a knife to my own chest for this something. Is it that serious? I hate to have talked so long about this all and not leave with an answer. It's a difficult thing for me to say. It's like I'm making a oath to die for this something as soon as the words leave my head. But. It's JUST an English project... I guess... I would die for freedom.. And I don't exactly mean in the going to war for my country way, with guns and camouflage.  I mean, I will fight anybody who stands in the way of my own personal freedom to be myself. This is broad and I've been thinking of how to set it up. Purposely I have made it like an umbrella so that under "Freedom" everything from self-expression to love is included. And that's that. I could talk about this forever but after me writing and thinking for soooo long, I've decided this is the best way to answer the question. I don't necessarily think this answer is good enough. But it's something I'll work with...


Now, What would YOU die for?

Let it Rain.

Do you ever just need to CRY?!

Your automatic answer should be, "Yes, Taylor! How did you know?"

Well. We all do. And I realized that just a bit ago...

Story time!
I was walking with a friend, named Francis. Not really, but Francis is slightly gender-neutral and therefore a good disguise for said friend... I don't like using names without their permission. And Francis is the only gender-neutral name I can think of.... Besides Taylor. Anyway, Francis and I were walking to walk and having a good ole talk while we walked. In some way Francis started telling me about this one time at camp... So. This one time at camp, Francis hadn't slept well for 5 days, and not at all for 2 of those days. Francis was tired. And when mother of Francis came and got *'em from the camp, for what seems like no reason at all, Francis started crying on the way home. And when the mom asked what was wrong, Francis could not answer in a way that made sense. A lot of "I'm just so happy to see you" and "Everybody was SO nice there" and "I miss home, but I'm going to miss camp!" And when Francis got home mommy-dearest sent 'em to bed, after so many hours woke 'em up and fed 'em soup, let 'em sleep for 12 more hours. And after listening to this story, I felt so... normal.

Let me tell you. I was the sensitive child growing up, and even though nobody realizes it now; I'm still a sensitive person. (Not nearly as much, because I was just dramatically over-emotional back then). I was the one who got my feelings hurt easily. The one my siblings would pick on, just because they know how easily they could make me cry. The one, that to this day, can't control that she tears up as soon as someone yells at her. Yup. That kid. Well, I was that kid around my family, but at school and everything I had to be the tough chick(for unrelated reasons)... So I knew how to hold my own. And I guess somewhere along the way, I found myself in this mind set that it is NEVER okay to cry. So, somehow, I blocked out my sensitivity completely, and didn't cry for 3 years. Worst 3 years of my life... When I heard Francis's story, I started laughing really hard. Not laughing at him/her, but the fact that the same EXACT thing has happened to me. The way mom handled it, the way I couldn't tell if I were happy or sad, the way I was SOOO tired that I just couldn't control it. The crying. I've had those nights when I'm just dirt-tired and any little thing (a song, somebody looking at me funny, etc.) would set off the water works. And my sister and brother have always made it seem like I'm the only one that happens to.. But Francis changed that.

When I finally cried after those years of boycotting it, it felt great. Crying after being relieved of sooo much stress, or even when full of stress, feels great. Sometimes, we just need to cry. Sometimes we don't need a reason.... I have learned that one of the worst things to do is pretend you are happy when you aren't, you know, plastering a fake smile. Though it is sometimes necessary to do so to make it though a situation, fake smiles should never be a constant mask. You have to let yourself cry, or do WHATEVER your form of crying is (to some people laughing has to be their equivalent to crying). Don't be that dramatic over-emotional kid like this girl was, but let yourself go sometimes.... Everyone has their days when they just need to cry.

Now. It seems to me like this post was sort of everywhere, I apologize. But I was running late on posting this and... well... It is what it is.
Have a great week!

*another attempt at being gender-neutral...