Ends and Ends

I realized that I can't write this post. I can't sit here and tell any of you how important FFA is to me. Sure I can tell you how it made me come out of my shell, transforming me from a shy kid to a confident leader. I could tell you have many lessons I've learned through FFA, lessons about agriculture, about life, and about myself. I could sit and explain how much I have loved loved LOVED being a member, and an officer, emphasizing how I've grown and how much I owe to the program and all of the people involved in it. I could tell you that my ag teachers, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, who I have known longer than any of my friends, are my role models. How I think the world of them and love them dearly. I could tell you so many things, all true things, but even if I used excellent diction and described it to a T, you still wouldn't understand. I really don't think anyone could understand it. But yeah. I can't write this post, just as I could not give a proper speech about it last night. I did a pretty wretched job at it actually. 

Last night was my last FFA Banquet. And even though we still have 2 months until we graduate, last night I said goodbye to many amazing people who I have grown so close to. Last night, I had to retire my officer position. And Today. I am no longer the President of the North Shore FFA Chapter. Today it's like I'm nothing. I'm nothing without it all. The North Shore FFA isn't just some program; it's my home. It's everything to me and I don't know what I am now without it... I'm nothing. And dammit I cried so effing hard after it was over. I cried like someone I loved had died. And it was a death, a death of the biggest aspect of my life; of everything I know. And I realize I'm sounding a tad bit on the dramatic side; but that's how heavy my heart feels right about now. I love it all so much, I'm going to miss it all SO MUCH. I AM ready to graduate, go to college, and start a new part of my life. But I just wasn't ready to let it all go. I wanted, more than anything, to hold on for just a bit longer, until the end of the year, or something. 

Still. This Banquet went pretty amazing, and it was something That I ran, I put to gather. Everyone was super proud of me and the person I've become. I got a lot of hugs that I just wanted to hold on tight to. So many people told me I've been a great president; one of the greatest the program has ever had. It's hard to agree, but it still feels good to hear. Deep down I know it's time to move on, that I've played my role and have to continue on to the next chapter of my life. I know that I've been prepared to take on life and become someone great. The Huge Fish, THAT I STILL HAVEN'T TOLD YOU ABOUT DAMMIT!

And I made it through the entire ceremony before I busted into tears as I left the stage. 

Today's just bittersweet, you know....

It was like everything had just gotten started, but in a blink it was over.

It hurts.

But It will be okay.

I can't thank the people of the FFA enough for giving my such an amazing chance to shine.

I love them.