Dying for Love

What would you die for?
What loss would kill you?
What would you fight for?
What would you break the rules for?
But most importantly. What. Would. You. Die. For.

In English class, we've started studying romanticism and the romantic movement. The first thing I learned, before she even said the word romantic and while she was simply describing the concept, was that I am a romantic. I'm undoubtedly, an iconoclastic, hopelessly romantic person. Now, teacher lady is the one who pointed me out, I would never claim myself as one before hand. But the more in depth she described romanticism, the more I saw myself as a part of it. I am a romantic rebel. And as we read several poems and learn about this love rebellion, we are going to have to create our own romantic poems. The theme has to be based on at least one of those questions in the introduction above. And the only one I can focus on is "what would I die for?" Whoa. Die. As in, to cease living; no breathing, no heartbeat, nothing. That's is kind of a big deal, you know. And I haven't been able to get it out of my head.

The truth is, I do not have an answer. As much as I love to love, I can't answer the question. There have been situations in the past where I thought I would die for somebody I loved, but I was wrong. Or at least that feeling passed because it is no longer true today. You see. I believe in love, but I'm not in love. So. I'm blogging about this, instead of the other thing I had planned on writing about, because sometimes I come up with my own conclusions and fix my own problems just by writing these and getting everything in my mind out in physical words.

What would I die for? My cow is the only living thing that pops in my head, but... And then, there's something that comes to mind that has always been super important to me. Dying for what you believe in, dying fighting for those beliefs. But the problem is, what exactly do I believe in?
Equality.
Expressing yourself.
An open mind.
And as I already said, love.
Everything else I believe in someway relates to love. Even the other examples I just said all come back to love, at least for me they do... Like. I believe that money is worthless, it means nothing. I'd rather be poor and have a love than rich and alone. I get that we need money to eat and do others things living requires. But I don't care for money, maybe it's just because I'm young... I don't know. All I really want is love. Teacher lady (I'm referring to her as that because writing out Sydnor is annoying) said that if we write about love, it should be about a specific and life long love. None of which I have. (I don't get how I'm a loveless lover but oh well) But. How can I die for something I don't have. If I were attracted to the other questions, it'd be easy. I break rules all the time because I'm such a bad ass rebel (she jokes, she jokes.) But those questions don't seem real enough to me. I want to put passion into this, because for the first time this year I'm interested in what's going on in English. Usually, it's my favorite subject but my teacher has managed to bore it up and I haven't learned anything. But this. This is what I dream about. All day, everyday. A love so sublime I would die for. I cannot stop thinking about it. I'm not wanting to get super sappy and explain all my desires here. I don't want to mention how more than anything I want to be the Christian to my own Satine and pour my heart out to them, possibly in song. And how I would fight for and never give up on them... Or how Moulin Rouge scenes pop in my head whenever I think about love. Sorry....

Now. This is also not me being afraid to die. It will happen when it happens and I can only hope I'm living my life to the fullest until then. It's the thought of sacrificing my own life for something. It's an uncomfortable topic. I love life, and I love living. I don't know if there is anything I would willingly give my life for; dying by choice. I don't I have the heart to do that. I think I'm too selfish to do that. And maybe I'm being completely ridiculous and taking this way to seriously and should just write a damn poem about pizza or something. But I need to know this for myself. I'm trying to think of how to state this without it having the wrong, negative, connotation. Its like... You have to have something to live for. Some reason why you are who you are and do what you do. And that same reason you live, should be something you are willing to die for, get it? Dude... I'm way to attached to living to think about this. And I cannot think of something I would die for, for anything. Doesn't that make me not the romantic person I was earlier? I'm not sure, maybe. And now I'm running out of things on my mind and I'm trying not to babble, but I've yet to stumble on to a conclusion....

After thinking and and more about it as the day went by, Conclusion time: I would go to great risks to express myself. I would fight for love no matter what the consequence. I would break any damn rule to be happy and free. I would be lost without my individuality and love. But dying. There is something about using that word that freaks me out. But when it comes down to it, I guess there are things I'd die for. If I needed to express something or stand up for something or not let others oppress me, then I would accept death in those efforts. Maybe the problem is the way the question has been so strongly worded. It makes me feel like I would be taking a knife to my own chest for this something. Is it that serious? I hate to have talked so long about this all and not leave with an answer. It's a difficult thing for me to say. It's like I'm making a oath to die for this something as soon as the words leave my head. But. It's JUST an English project... I guess... I would die for freedom.. And I don't exactly mean in the going to war for my country way, with guns and camouflage.  I mean, I will fight anybody who stands in the way of my own personal freedom to be myself. This is broad and I've been thinking of how to set it up. Purposely I have made it like an umbrella so that under "Freedom" everything from self-expression to love is included. And that's that. I could talk about this forever but after me writing and thinking for soooo long, I've decided this is the best way to answer the question. I don't necessarily think this answer is good enough. But it's something I'll work with...


Now, What would YOU die for?