I've neglected you again, I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better I'm writing this while I watch Scooby Doo, and I don't multitask while Scooby is on, so that says a lot. I actually had written a full blog earlier in the week on my phone and forgot to save it. I was a little upset that i lost it and not in the mood to redo it... But let's just jump right into something new instead of wallowing over that rubbish.
I never know how to feel about changes. And there are so many changes coming my way. With high school coming to the end, and things with everybody already being so different, EVERYTHING is going to change. I have two outlooks on these transformations, the same two outlooks I have on any kind of change no matter how small.
Naturally, I'm a creature of habit and I don't like change. Especially when people are ALWAYS making changes. To me, it's like no one can just be happy with who they are and what they've got. People are always searching for more than they need. For example, after I graduate my parents plan to leave my hometown and move elsewhere. It irks me to think about it though. You may not get it, but let me explain that I have moved from house to house way too many times in my short life. I've lived in some crappy places and had some crappy times. And before now I've always been okay with moving because it was always the only thing that made sense. However, now we are finally in a livable house. It finally feels like a home. A lot of those previous house were "temporary houses" and we wouldn't stick around for long. But this house was suppose to be it for a long time. This was suppose to be the house I come back to when I come home from college. We've only lived here for a bit over 2 years and they want to leave again. They includes my mom, sister, and brother. They are once again unhappy. I don't think my mom ever stopped looking for new houses, she won't let herself be happy. And its annoying, that constant need to change. I'm happy. This is a happy place with happy memories, why crush that. It doesn't even make sense to move where they want, they would live so far from work, you know...
There are lots of other changes that irritate me, I'm just uncomfortable with them.
But I totally see and can agree with the other side of the spectrum of changes! This is the side I TRY to be most acquainted with. Changes are for improvement. And improvement of oneself is something that should be constant. I constantly want improvement. The way I'm leaving home for college, is me wanting change. As for my family, I understand that I can't be selfish. If they aren't happy here, they need to go. They need to do what makes them happy. My mom wants to be closer to her family. My sister wants away from the not so safe neighborhoods. My brother wants to go to high school somewhere where he won't be miserable. They just want to improve their life's and that is reasonable. Living here has been right for me, and we've stuck around so i wouldn't have to change schools a bunch, but it's not right here for them. I want everyone to do what makes them happy, it's their life. If you don't like the way you look, change it. If you aren't happy where you work, change it.... (I blame my contradictory self on me being a Gemini. I'm like a walking contradiction...) I myself am always trying to show others the different sides on issues, all to change their judgmental ways if not their viewpoints. In fact one of my goals is to in so way actually change the world. So change IS good, and I have to tell my natural state of mind that all the time.
I am excited about the changes that are coming into my life. I'm thrilled to start a new life in Austin and make new friends and just have SO many changes. Yet there is still this part of me that is trying to hold on and fight it. Not fight the going to college part, but fight the change in people I guess. I'm trying to do things with the people I'm used hanging out with, but I'm not having fun anymore. Its like I'm forcing myself to go and be around them, when really change is what i need. I'm ready for the change. My stubbornness of holding on is nothing compared to my excitement for the future. Change is needed. I think what bothers me is when people don't let themselves be happy because of something dumb. To me, you can't accomplish anything unless you're happy. Even if you aren't where you want to be, even if you are striving for change, I feel like you have to at least let yourself be happy...
Change is good. Do what makes YOU happy.
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