Estrogen.

Let. Me. Tell. You.
Not even going to try to apologize for not writing when I said I would. I'm tired of apologizing. I'll write when I have time. I'll write when i feel like it. Like right now. Lol. Write now. And I'm pushing back my fish spiel another week because I need to let some emotional distress out today.

I'm way waaaaayyyy too emotional. It's ridiculous and annoying. Now, usually I can control it. But that one stupid week of the month when my hormones are on fire, I can't be held responsible for my ridiculousness. Last night I stayed up to finish The Mockingjay, and at then end I started crying. All three of the books made me cry a bit and choke up a lot, but not like this. I cried through the last three chapters of the book, finished it, and then cried myself to sleep. In pathetic. I mean it was good but my reaction was pathetic. And I hate myself when I think of ever crying myself to sleep....

And this morning. DEAR BUDDHA I'VE BEEN A WRECK. I was takin my puppy on a walk and these two huge dog run up to us, too fast for me to react, and attacked my little baby! She's okay. No wounds or punctures or anything. But we were both terrified out of our minds. She was wailing a scared puppy dog wail. And the were in top of her and I couldn't pull them off and I couldn't get to her. Finally their owner come up and pulls them off. I grabbed my puppy and run, completely in tears. I ran to the end of the street with her and sat down in the corner to make sure she was okay. She is. Her little tail was tucked in between her legs and she peed on herself, but I can't blame her I would have done the same thing if I had had to pee. And I was shaking and rocking and crying with her in my arms. I couldn't walk the other half a mile home and called my mon to come get us.... The man came and apologized. But. Fuck. I've been shaken up all day.


And to add on top of it all, I'm late. We are going to Austin this week. I'm uber excited because I get to spend the entire week somewhere I love. I show my steer the beginning of the week, my heifer at the end. And the rest of the time I'm free to be in Austin. But we are late. Late to unload, late to check in, late. And one thing that drives me crazy, that will put me into an anxiety attack, is being late. So the normal anxiety of being late plus to enhanced emotions, makes me a wreck. An in trying not to tear up more, I'll probably take a nap when I'm done writing this so my mind won't stay on it. But man, I can't handle more disaster....