Dictionary.com defines fear as: "a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid." So, it's an emotion; it's just like being happy or sad.
I wonder if there is a line that can be drawn between true fear and what some claim as fear.
There are a number of things that arouse a sense of discomfort within me. I'm uncomfortable around spiders, heights, clowns, and being on boats, but I don't consider myself to be afraid of any of them.When I'm around horses, my hands get sweaty and my heart speeds up, but I'm not sure if that's fear or discomfort.
The reason this question has become a subject of interest to me is because there is one thing that I know for certain I truly fear. And the feeling that comes over me is much greater than when I'm near a horse. It's much worse as those sweaty hands turn into sweaty feet and back (gross I know). My heart rate? It's pumping too fast to keep track of. My knees even buckle and shake. But the main difference of this fear and other "fears" is how my mind won't shut up. The voice in my head starts going in circles of worry. A lot of "What if's" flood my brain and I become very anxious. And that overwhelming monstrosity is known as fear, I suppose. But that doesn't eliminate the possibility that I'm afraid of horses, maybe fear comes on levels, I'm not sure...
But anyways, there is a point behind my rambling, I think. My one true fear is something most people who know me would never guess. Why? Because its something I face everyday, seemingly with no problem. Its something I strive to do and make a point I'm doing anytime I'm around people. My biggest fear, what I'm absolutely terrifyed of, is putting myself out there, and having everybody's attention as I do so. Now wait a minute, you might think, just wait one minute. Are you telling me, that the girl who will take any dare no matter how insane; the one who will talk to anybody who crosses her path; the girl who will
a) draw a cat face on her self a meow at strangers
b) dance and sing at the top of her lungs in public, and
c) walk around wearing objects that might as well be a neon sign flashing at her
is afraid of standing out and being noticed. Yes. That's what I said. And that is exactly what I mean by facing my fear everyday.
I try to overcome it, because I know by doing so it will make me a better person. And even though I may sometimes seem like I'm completely confident and I don't care about what others think, to be honest, every time I open my mouth the fear I described above rushes through me.
I am getting better, and every time I get passed something that really triggers my fears, I feel a lot stronger. And so I'm here, blogging. Publishing my own personal thoughts, ones I've been far to afraid to ever tell anyone. Of course, I'll only share this to twitter and tumblr, where my followers are significantly less than the friends I have on facebook for instance, but it's baby steps. I'm inching my way into being the focus of other's attentions. I mean, I want to be heard in life. Heck, I want to be a journalist. So I'm working harder than ever to get over this fear for good. Fear is not an excuse for me to refrain from doing anything. One day, this blog might make it to facebook where a wide audiences can access it, I might even advertise it to people to go check out. But for now, I'm going to go see if any horses are around.
"Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself"
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