First off, I'm changing the purpose of this blog (well kind of..) I want to start updating this again, but as a therapeutic, thought journal type of blog. It will be super personal, so beware and run while you can. I just really am in a fix right now and my life is all flip-flopped; I think making myself write again might help me get back on track and maybe have reason again. I've lost a lot of myself. I got into a really dark place. But I'm in the process of regaining a better outlook of myself and the world and life. And trust me, its a hell of a long process. So bare with me, and stay with me.
Something I know I'm going to want to talk about s lot on here is something I'm not really able to share with many people, especially not to the extent that I'd like to. So, I'm going to tell you a secret to clear the air, so I can talk about it. In this "dark time" that I'm rising, some shit happened and the point is that I'm not in an Intensive Outpatient Prohram ( aka IOP and Inanimate Object Party) which is basically a 6 week long group therapy program, intensive as in Monday-Thursday 4pm-7pm... I'm about to go into my 2nd week. I like it a lot and I really REALLY think it's going to, and already is, help me a lot. But, for my own sake of digesting and retaining, I'd like to share the things I learn in therapy here. Not the super personal aspect where I share my distorted thoughts, traumas, or anything, but the part of the program where we learn coping skills.I have a bit of catching up to do, so this post will be fairly long.
Actually I'm just going to share my favorite skill so far, and I'll brush over the other ones later. I've learned how to IMPROVE the moment. Which is a skill to help with one's Distress Tolerance, basically bringing someone back from the verge of a crisis. IMPROVE being an acronym. "I" is for imagery, where you use all five of your senses to take your mind to your "happy place." In therapy, we drew out a picture of our "happy place" and mine was sitting on this swing with my brother and sister, out in the woods under the stars with the smell of pine tree, and my dog running around us. "M" is for meaning, were you find the good/meaning/value out of the pain or bad situation you are experiencing. So that's cool."P" is for prayer/poem/phrase/whatever you want to call it, where you set a motivating or calming message that will remind you everything will be okay; mine is "time is meant for mending." Next is "R" for relaxation, and here you do something to physically relax your body (stretching,deep breathing, getting a massage). And then there is "O" for One thing in the moment. With this one we basically do the same thing as imagery with out senses, expecting instead of going to a different "place" you do it in the moment. For example,stopping yourself from all judgmental thoughts and just observing; that wall is red, it has a rough texture, it smells like plaster, etc... (bad example but hopefully makes sense). "V" is for vacation, but not like buying a plane ticket to Spain. You take a brief vacation from your typical structure/schedule and just treat yourself to something you like but don't have on a regular basis. It could be anything from going playing with puppies at a pet store or exploring a new nature trail or anything. Finally, we have "E" for encouragement, where you have to become your own cheerleader. You just tell yourself encouraging things, literally like "You can do it!"
I realize how freaking cheesy this all is, but hey it really works. And the thing is I just want to be better. I don't want to be sick anymore, so I'm willing to try anything and everything. In the meantime, I'm inching my way back into a good state. And I want to warn you, internet, that I will have really really good days, and I will have really really bad days; but it'll be okay. I'm trying to not isolate myself from the world anymore. I'm trying to understand that I am important and what I do impacts others' lives. And I'm trying to remember and believe that the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind. Thanks, Dr. Seuss.
Here's an irrelevant picture.
{source: http://cute-n-tiny.com/tag/raccoon/ }
Peace.
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